Waving the White Flag

Today I am thankful for: beautiful sunshine, snuggling with Josh for a few minutes before climbing out of bed this morning, my kiddo's precious sleepy faces when they wake up, being early (gasp!) to speech, a smooth day with Green Mamas, beautiful fresh produce for my family, napping on the couch with Moo cuddled next to me, figuring out my new reflector stand (woot!!), my dad's hospital care, anticipating the coming rain.

This verse slapped me in the face tonight as I read: "It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel." (Proverbs 20:3)  I've read that verse many times, but tonight it hit me in a different way.  I understand that it is saying it is better to give grace, to let go of a wrong and forgive or to simply choose to stop arguing for anyone can find a reason to perpetuate an argument; when we are focused on ourselves we tend to see things one way (OUR way) and it's easy to keep defending our views, justifying our actions, proclaiming our wisdom in a matter as better than someone else's.  It's a lot harder to back down because it requires laying aside our pride and "letting someone else win"--we just want to keep digging at them so we can come out on top!

Tonight as I read I saw a different view. Tonight I didn't read this as one who argues with another person, but as one who is arguing with myself.  I get so good at arguing in my head that I don't even know what side I'm on any more!  More often than not, when I take a giant step back I see that I am typically arguing selfishly with myself against truth in a matter; I'm trying to justify why I feel a certain way or choose to do a certain thing when I know in  my heart there's a better way, a harder--but more correct--solution.  It means dying to myself and doing what God wants me to do, not just what I want to do.  All of that internal conflict stirs up the same emotions and stress that a disagreement with another person causes; I feel anxious, confused, grumpy, and tend to take it out on some innocent bystander!

Tonight I am CHOOSING to see truth, to lay down my pride in my personal issues and submit to His will.  Any fool can continue the argument, come up with one more reason to justify the conflict and claim his perceived victory.  Only a wise person can step back and let go of it all.  Only then can the strife cease.  They say it takes two to tango--it also takes two to argue.  And when I'm in my head arguing with myself, I need to remember that I'm usually arguing against my God.  Who has the more proven track record, here, of faithfulness and being correct?  The one who chose to sin, or the One who chose the one who sinned?

Abba Father, I give up!  I'm letting go so that I can fall into Your arms!  Any strife I feel within myself is purely selfish and in vain--I have nothing to gain by continuing the fight, by pretending I know better than You!  You are the author of the world; I have no claim to even the words I'm writing now for You created them and Your Spirit breathed life into me and has put this on my heart.  So help me to take a giant step back from myself when I begin to stir up trouble, when I begin to argue over personal choices or actions.  Help me to choose NOT to argue, but instead to pray and seek Your guidance and will, and help me to WAIT for Your answer.  As I've experienced so graciously before, You give peace and comfort--who am I to block them with my wall of defense?  Thank You for your mercy, for Your grace, and for Your endless patience with me.  Please forgive me for being selfish and childish!  Correct me in my errors and show me Your way.  Thank You, Jesus!

P.S.  I also read these verses in Hosea tonight, and I have nothing to say about them, but they are beautiful and make me sigh with contentment: "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord."  Hosea 2:19-20  ...*sigh*...

How I Know He Hears

Today I am thankful for: snuggle time alone with Dman this morning while everyone else slept, the electric throw on the couch, clean floors and carpets (woot!), Darrin's meltdown as we left Walmart (ok, so I'm more thankful that I was peaceful the whole tirade and actually able to laugh a bit when he wasn't looking), my crazy little girl running and hollering through the house, 5 loads of laundry done, the kids eating well all day today, Madi's enthusiastic greeting for Daddy when he arrived home from work, listening to Darrin explain to Josh how to play a game on the DS (a game that Josh taught Darrin how to play a while back, lol), bedtime prayers, a quiet night.

I've been praying an awful lot lately.  Part of it is that I'm really trying to tune into God and make praying like breathing; the other part is that there's just a lot to pray about!  I've mainly been praying for my dad as he continues to go through the stages of congestive heart failure and kidney failure that are alarming.  I've been praying for my mom and siblings as they care for him.  I've been praying for myself as I sort out my emotions and know that prayer is the only way I can help.  I've been praying for family, friends, acquaintances, and people I don't even know.  It's not too hard to dig up the hard times and sad events, but I also am mindful of simply praising my God throughout the day for all the little things, all the joy that I know expressly because of His grace and mercy.

So tonight as I read Daniel I was truly comforted and encouraged by the response to Daniel's prayers.  Daniel was faithful in coming before the Lord three times a day to pray and petition Him.  He prayed for his people knowing that they fully deserved the punishment they were due yet asking God to stay His hand. He truly humbled himself before the Lord and loved Him with all his heart and might.  And in the midst of a vision Daniel received from the Lord he spoke with an angel (maybe Gabriel) who said these amazing words, "Then he said to me, 'Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words.'" (Daniel 10:12)  The angel said to Daniel that because he submitted himself humbly to the Lord the Lord heard his prayers.  He hears us!  I have never doubted that, though some do, but I know He hears those who are humble of heart and seeking His will.

Another verse that astounded me was earlier in chapter 9 where Daniel had been praying for himself and the people of Israel, and Gabriel appeared before him to give him "understanding" regarding what we call the "seventy weeks" prophecy.  Telling Daniel that he had come to bring understanding, Gabriel said, "At the beginning of your supplications the command went out, and I have come to tell you, for you are greatly beloved..." (Daniel 9:23)  That's just incredible to me!  At the beginning of my prayers God begins to move!  He hears me and loves me, and even though I may not see or hear immediately, that doesn't mean God isn't listening or moving on my behalf.

I can't tell you how encouraged I am in my prayer life right now.  Things don't always go the way I want them to, and sometimes the peace I feel is from knowing God is in control and sovereign, not that things are going to turn out the way I expect.  I felt this almost exactly one year ago as my first cousin was deathly ill in a hospital; I had cried, prayed, and begged God to spare her, then was flooded with peace.  The next morning I found she had passed away and I was so confused--why did I go to bed with such peace the night before if this was His will that she die leaving 2 young daughters?  I cannot explain His will and won't try, but knowing that I stand in awe of His glory and sovereignty I expect no less than to have perfect peace no matter what the circumstance or outcome if peace is what I ask of Him.

So tonight Gabriel's words bring me hope and joy--I know that my prayers are not in vain!  God hears them!  He may not "stay His hand" or give in to my begging, but He hears me and brings me comfort.  I pray that I might always be humbled before Him and able to stand in awe of His glory, lifting His name in praise even when most would curse Him.  For now I will continue to lift my petitions high before Him, seeking His will in ALL things, and asking for peace and comfort to help me praise His ways even when I don't understand them.

Father, You know my heart. I've come before You in joy and sorrow, with laughter and tears.  Much of the time I've been silent in Your presence letting my heart speak what my mouth cannot.  I am so thankful that I can come before You all day in all things!  Thank you that my lips speak Your praise even when I want to cry in selfish pity.  I thank You, Daddy, that I can be honest before You, completely transparent and open to Your Spirit as You read my heart and know my mind.  You succeed where my words fail, and I pray that my words might be few before You so that I don't dishonor You or lift up my own heart before You.  Thank you for the peace that You give, a peace that floods my heart and fills my soul when I need it the most.  Father, I pray that you'd help me to be silent, listening for Your voice, Your answer.  I know You speak to us just as surely as I know You hear us!  Help me to quiet my soul and wait for You so that my ways might be on Your path, bringing You glory in all that I do.  Thank You for Gabriel's words to Daniel, Your words to me tonight.  You, alone, are worthy of praise!  You are great and mighty, Lord Jesus!  Help me to draw close to You, Father, closer everyday, prayer by prayer.  In Jesus' mighty name I pray, Amen!

Unshakable

Today I am thankful for:  beautiful weather (cool, post-rain sun!), letting Kary get me out of the house for lunch and errands (so much more fun with a friend!), a yummy dinner of homemade french onion soup, watching Josh pass on his love of Star Wars to Darrin, hearing Madi's say "Toodie-too" for R2D2, my Bible, my iPhone, my renewed passion for photography, friends.

I'm in the book of Daniel.  I love this book!  Can't say I understand a lot of it without significant help from the Holy Spirit and great commentaries, but I love it!  Tonight I was left in awe of the behaviors of Daniel and his friends Hananiah (Shadrach), Mishael (Meshach), and Azariah (Abed-Nego).  What faith they displayed in the face of incredible temptation and adversity!  It's so incredible to see how God uses a time of trial for such good, to see how he cares for those who love Him.  He doesn't promise to keep us safe from physical harm, but we know that in the end He will be glorified if we lean on His promises and allow our fear to be set aside.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego refused to worship the king's idol and were subject to death in a fiery furnace.  I love their reaction to Nebuchadnezzar when he asked about their refusal to bow to the idol.  In Daniel 3:16-18 they say, "...O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter.  If that is the case [that they are thrown into the fire], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king; but if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up."  Wow!  Talk about faith and courage!  It's courage that comes not from self or pride, but from knowing that God's will is best.  If He saved them, great!  If not, great!  Either way they refused to bend.

I pray that I might have a little of that faith and courage in my own times of trial.  If ever forced to choose between my God and something else, I know that my God is greater and stronger and better and I pray that I'd have to courage to stand firm in my conviction.  The trouble is that we aren't always faced with a fiery furnace.  Sometimes it's a little something like popularity or friendship or ridicule--things that aren't at all life-threatening and yet we have difficulty standing firm.  Peter denied Christ three times in one night--who am I to think that I might not do the same?  So I pray that as I continue to read my Bible and grow, that faith and conviction would grow stronger and more immobile minute by minute.

Father God, I thank You for the examples of the men and women of the Old and New Testaments who showed us what faith means.  I thank You for allowing their contributions and trials to be recorded so that we might learn from them!  Not all were righteous, and none were perfect, but Your love for them is and it blows me away that You are the same God and have the same love for me.  The same God that made promises to Moses and Abraham is the same God that listens to my prayers today!  You are amazing and faithful, and I pray that You would strengthen my faith and my boldness to stand for You as the only Truth there is.  When my heart breaks, let it be for the hearts of those who are lost and not for the comfort I might have lost by sharing Your love and gospel.  I thank You that I can serve You, that I can teach about You!  I pray You'd use me to Your glory and help me to remember daily that it is only by Your grace that I can say that!  I praise You, Lord!  In Your precious name, Amen!

The Heart of the Matter

Today I am thankful for:  a good night's sleep, cuddling in bed as a family this morning, getting through my first kettlebell workout, naps for Moo and me, working on a puzzle with Darrin, my dad being released from the hospital.

Ezekiel 36:26-27 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them."  Today I am so glad that God has promised to help me walk in His ways.  There are days where it's just so hard to maintain the 24/7 commitment I made to Him--I'm tired, I want to justify the little things so they don't seem like big, bad things; other things and people seem to need my attention more than God does.  Really?  I guess that's the good thing about God helping me out--when I have one of my "moments" I stop and think to myself that God doesn't "need" my attention, He wants it!  He lovingly demands it!  When I'm able to set myself aside and spend some time in His presence, all other things are made right; circumstances might not change much, but my Lord helps me to see them with the eyes of my new heart.  When I've spent time in His Word and in prayer, the flurry of activity doesn't seem like such a flurry anymore.  I can think, I can respond, and I can get over myself.  God knows I can't do this alone, and He never promised that I'd have to.

The first verse above (Ezekiel 36:26) is cool because He said He'd remove our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh.  Our hearts of stone were immune to Him, refusing to see life His way and unable to praise Him.  A heart of flesh can feel, hurt, bleed; it cannot survive on it's own for it is in constant need of oxygen and clear pathways.  We are so prone to screwing things up, to being selfish, and that just leads to problems! But God said He'd help us.  If He helps us walk in His ways, then He will help us keep our hearts in good working order, too.  And whaddya know?  If we walk in His ways then our hearts will stay clean!

My heart aches tonight for those still walking around with hearts of stone.  The saddest part is that they don't even know it!  I'm always amazed at the anger these stony hearts are bearing; when confronted with a heart of flesh they lash out and have to do their best to tear it apart.  Very few people with stony cores can just say, "Keep on keeping on, Christian; I disagree, but we all do what we feel is right."  Many of them have to mock, scorn, and rip apart the sinews of that fleshy heart...but to what purpose?  Seems to me that while a broken heart of flesh can be healed, a broken heart of stone is forever cracked and splintered.  Unfortunately, those stony hearts out in the world are probably used to coming up against the stony hearts that are in the church; what a sad, sad situation.  Wherever they reside, all these stony hearts need to be transplanted and renewed by the Great Physician, Himself.  If I truly walk in His ways with His help, then my heart will continually be renewed and maybe that will allow me to reach out to someone with a stony core and provide love and refreshment rather than pain; and just maybe that person will one day yearn for a new heart, too.

Thank You, Daddy, for helping me to do the things You've called me to do.  Thank You for helping me and for always being beside me.  I am overjoyed that I am never alone!  Help me to do these things for Your sake, not my own.  I pray that others might see You when they see me, and that they would be encouraged and know that You are searching for them, calling to them, wanting to love them and bless them.  Help me to stand firm and not wilt in the face of hostility; though I cannot and will not argue with one who wishes to defame You and mock us both, help me to keep heart and rest on the assurance of my faith in You so that I can show love.  Put me places and situations where I can be of use to You, and help me to always know that You are with me and guiding me.  I praise You for You are holy and just, and You love us though we are so broken and worthless!  Glory, to You, Lord!  Praise and honor are Yours alone!  In Jesus' name, Amen!

A Wise Friend

Today I am thankful for: Darrin feeling better (nursing a sick boy meant no post yesterday), getting all my prep done for Radiant Moms tomorrow, yummy dinner, my hubby, Madi's sweet scent, an awesome church service (even though I watched online), worship music, joy in the Lord!

Today Pastor Chuck delivered an incredibly hope-filled sermon on freedom.  He is beginning a new series called "Jubilee" and kicked things off today with an overview of the series and the basics of having freedom from all sorts of woe.  I know that it's easy as a believer to tune in and agree with what the pastor is saying--we obviously have the same outlook on things since we are Christ-centered in the way we live our lives.  Not everyone agrees, however; many believers are still caught up in themselves.  Though they may have made heart-felt commitments to Christ in the past, they have continued to live for themselves as though they're just waiting for God to make it all better rather than radically changing their focus heavenward and seeking for God to show them how to live.  But today's message was a wonderful reminder of the power and wisdom of God and how simply submitting to Him can bring freedom from the bonds of this earthly life.

I read Proverbs daily.  I love beginning my quiet time with the divine wisdom of the book of Proverbs.  I love committing the words to heart and really meditating on the messages and lessons shared by the authors.  There is so much encouragement and conviction there, and it keeps me in check with my focus and my attitude towards so many daily things--my work, parenting, interacting with others, etc.  I also love that, as I read other books of the Bible, I see these bits of wisdom being illustrated--either in good ways or bad ways.  And all of the themes are the same:  God is wisdom, following God's ways is life, choosing all else is death.  Could it be more simple?!  Maybe it's just my own gift of faith that I can rely so heavily on my Lord and His wisdom, and maybe that's why things seem so clear to me.  I just wonder why the rest of humanity apart from (and even within!) Christianity struggles and suffers and refuses to see what I do; when you follow Him, things just go more smoothly.  That doesn't mean there won't be trials and times of trouble--that is how we are tested and refined and made stronger--but it seems that, overall, our interactions and choices work out for the better when we follow God's wisdom.

This is what Pastor Chuck shared today.  He had some really wonderful examples and illustrations of God's wisdom and why it's still relevant today.  I gave my hi-lighter a workout as he taught this morning!  And I'm left wondering just how many people will get it; how many will really listen and realize that God is simply calling us to trust and obey because He loves us and wants what's best for us?  When I sat down tonight to read in Proverbs, everything I recalled from this morning was affirmed.  I read chapter 8 tonight which is all about Wisdom.  Proverbs 8:6 says "Listen, for I will speak of excellent things, and from the opening of my lips will come right things."  For those who will listen, "wisdom" only gives truth and good advice!  Everything that "wisdom" has to share with us is for our benefit, to give us life to the fullest; "wisdom" only comes from God alone.  Proverbs 8:22-23 "The Lord possessed me (wisdom) at the beginning of His way, before His works of old.  I have been established from everlasting, from the beginning, before there was ever an earth."  God is the only being that existed before all else; He is I Am as well as Alpha and Omega.  So if wisdom was there before the foundation of the earth than it must be from God; this tells us that our God is a God of wisdom, that wisdom is a major attribute of our Lord.  Our God created everything in His infinite wisdom and urges us over and over to rely on His wisdom alone to live our lives.  How can I argue with that?

I know not everyone would agree with me, with my Pastor, with God and His word.  I know that many won't even agree that there is a God to be writing about.  But if He isn't real, if His wisdom is archaic and not relevant to today's society, I still have nothing to lose by following it.  From what I've read in the Bible, nothing God ever said was a trick or meant to cause harm to those who obeyed Him.  And there is much evidence that obedience brought blessing upon blessing!  I am incredibly blessed.  I know I obeyed God when I didn't understand, when I really didn't do it consciously with a specific goal of being obedient for His glory.  I obeyed out of faith without even much focus on Him at times in my youth, and I can look back and see His guiding hand and the fruit of His blessing on my life.  And now that I stand in a much stronger relationship with Him, urgently seeking Him all day, every day, I am seeing even stronger evidence of His presence and blessing because of my obedience and trust.  Is He real?  Is His wisdom outdated?  I say no to both, but if I'm wrong I sure like being wrong!

Abba Father, thank You for the gift of faith!  I thank You that I've been able to experience Your blessing even when I wasn't intimately seeking You, when I was obeying out of an immature faith.  I don't want to live life "waiting for the other shoe to drop" since it seems like we've weathered the storms of life so well; I just want to rejoice in You, praising You for your mercy and grace, Your unfailing love and the comfort that Your Spirit gives when I'm in need.  I know that I am no better than anyone else in this world, nor am I more "holy" or loved by You.  I stand in awe of the blessings You've so freely given to me, to my family; we are unworthy of such lavish affection!  I thank You for eyes that are able to see Your hand and know Your goodness even when our situation seems bleak.  I don't think our lives are any more blessed than the average person, I think we are just able to praise You when they don't; to thank You when they ask "why me."  It is by Your grace that we can stand in Your presence daily and know that You are life; You are the reason we wake, we breathe, we plan for a future!  I pray that You help us to lean only Your wisdom as we daily live.  Be our sole focus, our anchor; I pray that every decision we make finds us turning to You for an answer.  I know You are good, I know You are holy, and I know that I deserve nothing for I am nothing without You; yet You bless us if we just trust You and obey.  Thank You, merciful Lord!  Help me to remain obedient to You always as You said You would!  In Your precious name, Amen.

(Just a brief plug here for anyone who might read this--we attend Crossroads Christian Church led by Pastor Chuck Booher.  It is an amazing place to worship, diverse and beautiful as a congregation, dynamic in all ways and completely genuine in service and faith to God.  You can watch the weekly sermons online nearly anytime by visiting the church website and clicking near the top on the "media" tab (sermon notes and videos are listed by date and title), and you can watch live on Sundays by clicking on the online campus button at the top.  If you are every in the area, the experience is awesome so come by!)

Turn and Live

Today I am thankful for: Darrin doing well meeting his goals at speech, reading stories to Moo in the waiting room at Lucid, being able to help out at produce day for our co-op, fresh fruits and veggies, the kids having fun at the park, visiting with Kary, enjoying dinner at home with my family, my babies' smiles, kisses from my hubby.

I'm reading in Ezekiel and came to chapter 18 tonight.  It made me think.  I've long pondered things such as what the lukewarm church would look like and where it would come from; I've begun to notice the past few years that it is forming right now here in America, also around the world.  It seems that so many churches are compromising the integrity of their faith by becoming "tolerant" and expanding their views, adding interpretation to biblical truths that shouldn't require any.  It's really frightening and disheartening to witness.  No one wants to think about people going to hell, but to broaden your congregation by tolerating certain sins as acceptable or saying that all roads lead to God and heaven doesn't save anyone from a rather warm fate, least of all the church leaders encouraging their wannabe saints.

Church is definitely a place for the broken.  God doesn't call only "good" or righteous people to His fold--in fact we are told that none of us is good, that Jesus Himself is the only truly good person to walk the earth.  Believers should be welcoming people from all walks of life to join each Sunday in a great sinners' convention meeting--for when it comes down to it, we are all the same.  Each of us is a sinner, no one better or worse that another.  Some might be in a better place of admitting their sin and choosing to love God and please Him, thereby appearing to be "better" or "nicer" than others.  Some might be lost and broken, complete messes wandering in society or maybe even incarcerated.  But at the heart of it all, we are ALL sinners, broken by choices to please ourselves and left with God-sized holes in our hearts.

The problem with society, especially in America, is that we want to qualify ourselves--well, at least I don't smoke, or I've never killed anyone, or I don't steal, or I don't let my children watch t.v all day long, I don't, I don't, I don't.  Our "I don'ts" don't mean much to God because when we are too busy looking around at others to compare ourselves with we take our eyes off Him.  We forget that Jesus is the standard, HE is the mark by which we are all judged.  And what does "sin" mean?  It means to miss the mark.  Sin isn't just about doing wrong things, it's about not doing the right things.  So there thousands of church-goers warming pews each week, patting themselves on the back for being "Christian" because they give money and sit quietly and get through the week without harming anyone; they aren't doing anything wrong.  But what aren't they doing right?

This, I believe is the foundation of the lukewarm church.  People have lost touch with God and are more concerned about what people think, about keeping up appearances.  God doesn't care what you look like; He sees your heart.  These people are probably so deluded by being what a Christian isn't, that they have forgotten what being a Christian is.  This bring me back to my opening paragraph.  God laid out His statutes so plainly for His people that there was no excuse not to follow them.  They weren't easy, but they had a purpose.  Once Jesus came and died for our sins then conquered death through His resurrection, we simply had to choose to love Him and grow to be more like Him in all ways...ALL ways.  You can't claim to be a follower of Christ and not love, but you also can't ignore the things He spoke against.  People today don't want to say "no" to anything; they are afraid of standing for something and saying it's wrong--it's just so much easier to say that everything is right as long as no one gets hurt!  They claim that God is unfair and a "loving God" wouldn't condemn people to hell just for disagreeing with Him.

God is holy..HOLY.  He created the world, so I think He has a right to dictate it's rules to keep things in order.  He gave us free will to make our own choices, though He wants us to choose to love Him.  If we were forced to love Him, then that wouldn't really be love at all, right?  The fact is, God doesn't necessarily send us to hell, but we choose to go there by rejecting Him and disobeying Him.  Parents often tell their children that there are consequences to their actions, and that when a negative consequence ensues the child, in effect, "chose" it; afterall, the parents set the rules and they are pretty clear.  If you want happy consequences, do this; negative consequences, do that.  Society isn't any different, and when someone breaks a law we generally are pretty unsympathetic; he knew what he was doing, right?  He knew what would happen!  God tells us the same thing.  Ezekiel 18:25-29 "Yet you say, 'The way of the Lord is not fair.' Hear now, O house of Israel, is it not My way which is fair, and your ways which are not fair? When a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity, and dies in it, it is because of the iniquity which he has done that he dies.  Again, when a wicked man turns away from the wickedness which he committed, and does what is lawful and right, he preserves himself alive.  Because he considers and turns away from all the transgressions which he committed, he shall surely live; he shall not die.  Yet the house of Israel says, 'The way of the Lord is not fair.'  O house of Israel, is it not My ways which are fair, and your ways which are not fair?"

God isn't hard and unyielding, He's holy and the epitome of integrity.  He set a standard we can't meet, but He pours out grace upon us and has made a way for us to have a reward we don't deserve.  The beautiful thing is that He loves us and wants us to choose Him!  He gave us a choice, but He certainly has a preference for what choice we make.  I know my God is a God of love because He set boundaries for us, clear expectations for living.  And, like our earthly parents, He corrects us for our own good when we go astray.  When parents say "this hurts me more than it hurts you" it's really true; it hurts to be disrespected and disobeyed by someone you would give your life for, and it hurts to have to inflict pain upon that person even though she deserves it as a consequence of her actions.  God said something similar to Ezekiel: "'Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,' says the Lord God. 'Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit.  For why should you die, O house of Israel?  For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies,' says the Lord God.  'Therefore turn and live!'" (Ezekiel 18:30-32)


Father God, I thank You that I was taught of Your great love for me, that the fear I have for You is out of respect and not pain.  I am so thankful that I turned away from my transgressions and chose life over death!  Thank You for every person You set in my path that showed me the meaning of love by accepting who I was and teaching me how to reconcile that with Your plan for me.  You made me!  You created every aspect of my very being, and it is so amazing to finally be realizing my purpose, though I won't understand everything all at once.  For now it is enough to know that I can rejoice in my own self because You made me; I can have joy in reaching my full potential because I desire to glorify You.  Help me to focus on what You WANT me to be, and not on what You don't want me to be.  By being more like You I will be able to let go of those things that are undesirable.  Help me to love others with Your compassion and Your intensity.  Help me to show them their value and accept them where they are and however they are so that the door is opened for Your Holy Spirit to do It's transforming work!  Break my heart for what breaks Your own heart, Jesus!  And please help me to act on that love.  Thank You for Your amazing grace.  Praise be to You alone!  In Jesus' name, Amen!

A Love Like No Other

Today I am thankful for: hearing my daughter beg me for her schoolwork, both kiddos eating great at their meal times, how well my babies play with other kiddos they don't know, watching Madi at dance, they way Darrin's imagination is growing and growing in his playtime, being able to talk to my mom, knowing God hears my prayers and answers them, being able to keep in touch with my hubby throughout the day, the men who've gone to visit my dad and pray with him.

Tonight I read Ezekiel 16 and was really struck by the imagery used to describe God's relationship with Israel.  Israel is depicted as an unwanted baby girl tossed into a field to die of exposure, her umbilical cord still attached and not even cleaned from birth.  She was so despised by her parents she was immediately discarded!  But God came along and rescued her and caused her to thrive; as she grew she became very beautiful.  Later they are joined in a covenant like marriage and He bathed her and anointed her and adorned her from head to foot in fine linen, sandals, and jewels; she is described as "exceedingly beautiful" and her fame spread out to other nations "for [your beauty] was perfect through My splendor which I had bestowed on you" (Ezekiel 16:14).

We are nothing without God!  We are weak and helpless, dirty and without hope.  God is there waiting--He sees us!--and He wants to clean us up and breathe life into us; He wants us to thrive and become exceedingly beautiful!  What do we need to do to earn a love like that?  Nothing!  We need to accept that He loves us and pledge our love to Him in return--that's all!  But there's more...

"But you trusted in your own beauty, played the harlot because of your fame, and poured out your harlotry on everyone passing by who would have it." (Ezekiel 16:15) How often do we go through a period of blessing and forget that our blessings are not our own but from our Lord?  We begin to relax and think we are invincible; we begin to fall into sinful habits that are ultimately destructive to ourselves and our relationships with others.  We give into our own wantonness and become consumed with self-gratification and selfishness.  There is really no particular reason why we walk away from God; He hasn't done anything to cause it.  The fault lies entirely with us.  Israel began to form alliances with other countries for protection when God had promised her everything--she had no need of protection or goods from others for He had provided in abundance.  She was simply choosing to disobey God's law.

When we begin to trust in ourselves and turn away from God, we may feel as though things are under control and we aren't doing anything wrong.  But before long, we begin to feel that separation from God; an emptiness grows and we look for things to fill it with.  Ezekiel 16:32 "You are an adulterous wife who takes strangers instead of her husband."  Because we do not feel close to God we may feel ashamed and hide from Him; we continue to justify our actions and venture further down a lonely, rocky path.  We make ourselves vulnerable to others, to our chosen vices.  All of a sudden we realize we are out of control, at the mercy of whatever comes our way.  We lack the strength to fend off attacks; we are broken and humiliated. Israel was invaded and attacked by those she sought alliances with, those who had traded with her and promised to protect her.

According to old testament law, adultery was punishable by stoning.  An unfaithful wife deserved to be humiliated, degraded in public and stoned to death for breaking her covenant with her husband.  We suffer the consequences of our actions.  God is holy and righteous, yet He loves us unconditionally.  That doesn't mean we aren't ever punished; Proverbs 3:11-12 says "My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves, he corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights."  Israel broke it's covenant with God and forsook Him over and over and over again.  God was justifiably angry with His people and brought punishment on Israel for its sin, but He also yearned for them to see the folly of their ways and return to Him.  When they did, He forgot the past and poured out His blessing upon them once more.  Ezekiel 16:60 "Nevertheless I will remember My covenant with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish and everlasting covenant with you."

How many spouses are able to move through the anger and hurt to a place where they can extend grace to the partner that committed adultery?  How many marriages reconcile and seek healing after a breach of vows?  How many people can look past the pain to the One who can bring healing and learn to forgive?  We are so stubborn and prideful!  If we can just get over ourselves and see that it isn't about "us" we see that our Creator, our Savior us standing there with arms wide open waiting to take us back!  He wants to be with us!  He isn't waiting to rub our noses in our messes.  He isn't going to throw our mistakes in our faces every so often just to shame us into being faithful to Him.  He pours His grace over us and lavishes us with love causing our dirty, broken selves to be whole and beautiful once more.  He wants our eyes to look forward with hope and trust, not backward with guilt and shame.

I'm currently reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan--and I highly recommend it, even though I'm not even halfway through.  As I read earlier tonight the following passage really hit home with me:

A Strange Inheritance

The very fact that a holy, eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, merciful, fair, and just God loves you and me is nothing short of astonishing.

     The wildest part is that Jesus doesn't have to love us.  His being is utterly complete and perfect, apart from humanity.  He doesn't need me or you.  Yet He wants us, chooses us, even considers us His inheritance (Eph. 1:18).  The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing God treasures us.

     That really is amazing beyond description.  The holy Creator sees you as His "glorious inheritance."

     The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time.  He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him--and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by.

God's greatest gift to us was His Son, Jesus.  His second greatest gift is His very word, the Bible.  If we are honest and read through it, it's nearly impossible to ignore the goodness and faithfulness of our loving God.  If we keep our minds and hearts open to His words, we'll find He's speaking directly to us telling us time and again that it doesn't matter how much we mess up; He created us and loves us and wants us to be with Him.  He sent His son to bear the weight of our sins because our human frailty could never be subjected to the punishment we are due.  He loves us that much!!  We are adulterous wives, deserving of degradation and death, and yet He wants to clean us up, build us up, and continue with us in an everlasting covenant.  Where else are we going to find a love like that?

Father, thank You for loving me!  Thank You for being my Rock, for standing firm when I'm caught up in the tide.  It is so amazing that You love me despite my faults and weaknesses.  You know me better than even I do for You formed me and knew me even before conception.  You knew my mistakes before I made them, and yet you brought me life and loved me anyway.  Help me to see myself through Your eyes so that I might see my value and yearn to please You and never hide myself from You.  Thank You for correcting me when I begin to go astray so that I remember to look back and see You and run to You.  Thank You for wanting me whole and unhurt, and thank You for healing me when I return to You with the wounds of my shame.  You are my love, my light, my hope.  I praise You and hope that I never am able to give You 100% of me only because my capacity to love continues to grow and I never reach my limit, though I strive to continually with all my might.  Help me to glorify You in all that I do!  I love You!

Learning to Love

Today I am thankful for:  an new day, reading the Bible with my kids and talking about God's amazing love, candy canes, water, hot tea, my son telling me he could love with me for hours and likes the feel of my face & puffy cheeks, Madi telling me her dance teacher is Miss Broccoli (instead of Miss Tiffany) and that she's green with branches and leaves, warm sun, my hubby's voice.

I am simply overwhelmed tonight by God's goodness!  Today has been a little tough at times; we've been dealing with my dad's declining health for a while, now, but today it kind of hit me...this man could die and die soon.  I don't pretend to know the mind of our God and I'm so thankful He is unsearchable--who wants to serve a god that can be figured out easily or at all? But I've had to wonder at the plan He has when it just seems that event after event takes place to knock my family down.  I'm thankful that each death and trial has brought me closer to Him and helped me to have more hope and more faith.  But now that it comes to my own father I'm left feeling helpless.

So last night I knew that I could pray, had to pray, and that's what I've been doing all day.  My thoughts have been on God and on my dad all throughout the day.  I know I'm not the only one, either.  And the emotions that I have swirling around in my heart for this man are so loaded and complicated; but I'm his daughter, he CHOSE me to be his own and I love him for that alone.  I want, more than anything, for my dad to experience real JOY before he departs this earth; I want to be assured that he will be in heaven one day to meet me.  I have to say, it's a real helpless feeling--visceral, even--to know that he alone has to make that choice.  So while I'm praying for healing and restoration and stamina, I'm also praying for spiritual healing and renewal that only my Heavenly Father can extend to my earthly father.  So every scare we have is more to me than just a health scare or fear that "this is it"--it's a fear that I will never, ever see my dad again in this life or the next.

The man is stubborn, more so than any other human being I know, but no one is more persistent than my God.  I cannot dictate to God when enough is enough, I cannot decide for Him that my dad is beyond hope in spiritual matters.  I am so thankful for that!  So I will continue to pray for my dad that God reveals Himself to him in a mighty and real way during this crisis.  I will continue to lift him up and know that my God hears and knows and has a purpose in all things.  Tonight my dad has improved some, and I cannot tell you the relief that has flooded me.  I've learned that because of my relationship with my Abba Father, I have learned to love my dad in a better way; I've learned to forget past hurts and wrongs and see him as my God sees him.  And for whatever time he has left of this earth, I will be praying for his salvation and the chance to share in his truest joy.

Lord Jesus, I'm out of words.  I've been praying so long I just don't have the vocabulary left in me to express my brokenness over my dad's spiritual and mental and physical condition.  You know his needs, You know our family's needs, and You are a God of comfort and compassion.  I thank You that You are so faithful in hearing our pleas and answering us. Help us to be patient and to LISTEN for You.  Bring healing that only You can provide; restore our family to a place of joy and contentment.  Give us the stamina needed to endure the trials we are in and the ones we have yet to face, and through it all draw us closer to You.  You know what we need, even when we don't; so hear my prayer, Father, and move in a mighty way so that You might be glorified.  Help me to honor You with my love and my actions and words.  Thank You for teaching me to love and to love more deeply.  Praise and glory and honor be to You alone!  In Jesus' precious name, Amen!

Truly Wise Leadership

Today I am thankful for: Josh feeling better tonight, God's guidance regarding Josh's illness, Madi eating a good dinner, Darrin doing well at tkd, my sweet children's prayers, sharing bible & devotions with the kiddos, my sister (Lord, keep her safe tomorrow!), my mom and her unconditional love for us!!, heated seats in the Santa Fe :o)

I only read Proverbs 8 tonight, but I'm simply awed by the greatness of God!  Just trying to comprehend that He is the source of all things, that He just IS...it blows my mind!  Proverbs 8 points out that rulers need wisdom to rule effectively; where does wisdom come from?  God!  He is the author of wisdom.  Wow!  I look at our world today and there is so much strife and corruption in world leadership.  Gee, I wonder why...  It is so painfully simple to me that without God, one simply cannot have the wisdom to guide others.

As we are gearing up for the 2012 presidential election it all just seems a muddy mess!  I have quickly lost hope in potential candidates and I'm curious to see how things unfold.  There seems to be so much damage already.  Yet I wonder what will happen if certain candidates truly seek God and His wisdom in a genuine way...what might the race look like?  No matter what, I pray we see a revival of wise leadership in and out of office.  Corporate leaders, church leaders, local leaders, etc.--I pray we see a return to wisdom as the Author intended!  I'm beginning with myself and my family.  Thank You, God, for Your wise counsel!

Proverbial Wisdom

Today I am thankful for: Radiant Moms, my husband (Thank You, Lord, for keeping him safe when his car tire blew out today!), beautiful cool weather, heat! (house, car), cozy blankets, hot water, my precious kiddos' voices, having Josh home unexpectedly, fun holiday ideas to share with family

I am so thankful for the book of Proverbs.  One friend once shared with me the idea of reading one chapter of Proverbs daily each month.  I enjoyed that before and will begin again--beginning today!  I'm struck by the simplicity of the Proverbs from chapter 1 on.  God has created for us an orderly universe and a perfect design for all things.  Boy, do we muck it up!  But if we'd seek God's wisdom and understanding of His ways, we are clearly told we'd experience length of life, honor among peers, beauty (inward which may lead to outward), protection & preservation but he Lord's own hand, happiness, good health, strength, bountiful provision, riches, peace, sweet sleep, courage, passion in marriage, strong friendships--and that's only the first 7 chapters of the book (there are 31)!  How could anyone not want those things?  Sadly, our culture is so topsy-turvy in sin we think we know better than our Creator.  We think we have understanding apart from God.  Just look at the rates of adultery, fornication, divorce, debt, poor health, abuse, poverty, and so forth.  Our world is crying out for wisdom and great leadership while rejecting THE source of both!

I am so blessed to be able to be home and to be raising my children in a very hands-on manner.  One of my greatest prayers is that my children continue to grow in their fledgling faith and walk with the Lord all their days.  Right now they know the gospel and I have no doubt they love Jesus with all their hearts!  I cannot express the JOY that knowledge brings me!  I am prayerful that God will continue to strengthen me and impart His wisdom so that I can truly instruct my children in His ways.

What a blessing God's very word is to me!  Having His wisdom expressed an illustrated throughout the books is amazing.  The simplicity and beauty of the book of Proverbs is definitely nothing short of God-inspired and perfectly designed.  And having the perfect words of wisdom-incarnate in my Savior Lord Jesus makes me certain I lack for nothing in what is needed to grow and flourish as both a child of God and as a mother of two precious children of God!

Daddy, Your perfect love overwhelms me!  I'm amazed as day after day I'm able to come before You in absolute awe of what You've done for me!  The depth of Your knowledge and wisdom knows no bounds.  How comforting to know that You know me, You made me, and You gave me absolutely everything I need to live and live a life abundant in riches!  I am so thankful that I have understanding; that I know that my treasure lies in You alone, and that from You come my greatest blessings: salvation through Your Son, Jesus; my family; my gifts that allow me to serve You faithfully and with obedience so that others may know You.  Thank You for Your word which so perfectly instructs--I am not alone!  You are always with me.  Praise You, Lord!

Glorious Creation

Today I am thankful for: rain!, a good day in 2nd grade at church, my hubby, a good nap, yummy, warm food on such a cool day, kiddos eating a good dinner, soft & warm clothes to lounge in, ibuprofen for headaches (me!) and fevers (Dman!), joy in the Lord!

I am overwhelmed by God's glory!  I suppose I get tired of "perfect" SoCal weather.  :o)  Sunshine is lovely, blue-sky days are endless, but it can get a bit boring.  I think that's why I enjoy rain, clouds, cold weather.  It's just another expression of the awesome power and greatness of God!  Sometimes I think we take our good weather for granted and we get so used to it we begin to be blinded to the glory of God all around us.  It's kind of like the Israelites must have felt in days of old--they were so blessed by God they would take Him for granted, forget their need, and move to idols or something different.  I get so used to sunshine and warmth that I can easily fail to see the blessing and glory around me and take it for granted.  Having a weather change lets me see another "face" of God; a blessing of a different sort, a "new" power or awesomeness my God displays.  It's so cool!  To be honest, I think every single day finds me praising the Lord for His creation, but it sure is joyful to see something different.  God's creation is limitless, so I love witnessing different aspects, either with travel, weather, changes, new seasons...it's all amazing!  God is definitely great and greatly to be praised!

Psalm 145:3 "Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable."

Closer to Him (as I wrote this in a plane, tee-hee...)

Today I am thankful for: time spent with Andrea and Megan, going home to my family, rain, cool weather, the greatness of my God, my home

Thank You, Lord, for Psalm 139!!  What a beautiful psalm that sums up the thoughts and wonders within me.  God made me.  He formed every part of me!  He knew me and shaped me before I existed!  There is no where I can hide that God either won't find me or won't know my thoughts.  How comforting!  Even when I'm foolish enough to allow sin to separate me from God, He is there!  I may not see Him, but He is with me.  He knows my heart!!  Why should I not confess my transgressions?  Praise You, God, for knowing every part of me, every thought, every unspoken word!  Help me to always strive to be transparent before the Lord.  He knows me intimately, therefore I have nothing to hide.  So do not let me try!  Keep dishonesty far from me and keep me humble in my praise and genuine in my words.  It is a blessing to serve the Lord!  I pray that my faith grows continually as I strive to walk the path He has set before me.  Lord, keep me from stumbling!  Draw me closer, Lord.  Help me to stay in Your presence, always.

Love Notes

Today I am thankful for: good friends, clean floors, a clean kitchen, Madi enjoying dance, Darrin being helpful and loving, Madi doing her chores with a glad heart, sharing dinner with Megan, making it safely to Andrea's, Josh being a great daddy!

I am thankful the Lord has opened the eyes of my heart to see His glory all around me!  I see His glory in the clouds, the sun, the stars,  I feel His glory in crisp fall air and the rush of the wind.  I hear His glory in the songs of the birds and my children's laughter.  I smell His glory in the scent of cinnamon, the warmth of vanilla, the cleanness of the rain.  I can taste His glory in a ripe red strawberry or a chocolate treat.  There is so much of our world that bombards our senses every day!  I am forever grateful that I can see His perfection in the smallest thing and be reminded of His power and majesty.  Our God is amazing and I'm so blessed to have a faith that allows me to experience Him daily.  I'm never far from my Lord when I stop to remember all the little love notes He's left to me.  His Spirit speaks to me in subtle ways--I just need to be aware!  Speak to my heart, Oh God! Show me Your beauty!  Cause me to wonder and marvel at Your greatness so that I never lose sight of You!  I want to be in Your presence for eternity, worshiping You and bringing glory to Your name!

Relevant & Contemporary

Today I am thankful for: rest, talking to my mom on the phone, Madi's precious face, Darrin's loving heart and snuggles, good food to eat, my loving husband, my everlasting and unchanging God, my sister feeling better, my dad being open to dialysis, Crossroads

Again, I am baffled that someone can read God's word and not see it's application to today or grasp the genuine awesomeness of God!  In Psalm 83 the psalmist cries out for God to confound the enemies of Israel for "The have said, 'Come, and let us cut them off from being a nation, that the name of Israel may be remembered no more.'" (Psalm 83:4)  The enemy has always struggled to undo God's blessing.  We still see it today!  Even God's chosen people have not continued to walk in His ways and wonder at the strife of their nation.  But praise God for the truth of His word!  Psalm 83:18 says "That they may know that You, whose name alone is the Lord, are the Most High over all the earth."  The psalmist prayed for this in his time, but we are still praying for the same today!  And we know that they day is coming when every knee will bow and every tongue will confess Christ as Lord.  I'm clinging to God's promises!  He has made Himself so clear to us in the bible, and He is still the same today!

Thank You, Lord, for Your constant and abiding love!  If ever I am far from You, I know that is my doing, and that You are there waiting to receive me.  Help me to meditate unceasingly on Your goodness and holiness so that I might always proclaim You as my Lord and Savior without fail!

The Nature of God

Today I am thankful for: a misty morning, Darrin sleeping in so long (he needed it!), cool nights & warm covers, a yummy dinner, talking to my mom on the phone, Madi making her bed without a fuss, our new CD of hymns, hearing my babies try singing the chorus of "To God Be the Glory" at bathtime

I absolutely love how my kiddos naturally make connections to God through His creation! My #1 goal in homeschooling is to teach Darrin and Madi about God; to nurture a budding relationship with Him.  I truly believe that we should be in an active and continual process of teaching about our Lord.  We try to accomplish this by genuinely being awed by the natural world around us.  I am always commenting on one thing or another and saying something like "isn't God wonderful?" or "how amazing is it that the God that created that star/flower/etc. also made you and me?"  And now my precious children are also doing the same! God created us with a NEED for Him, yet so many doubt or reject His presence and existence.  All of creation is screaming aloud, proclaiming His authorship; how is it that so many do not see or hear?  Psalm 19 so beautifully tells how God's majesty and power are revealed in nature--from beauty, to order, to power, and more.  I get excited reading this psalm.  It reminds me just how small and worthless I am, yet how much He loves me.  This psalm makes me yearn for repentance and to be whole and blameless before my Lord.  Cleanse me from secret faults (Psalm 19:12) and let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14).  Amen!!

Love Restores

Today I am thankful for: Josh's amazing family!, Andy, Alissa, Riley, Dan & Ellen being back in their house, Aunt Kelley's spiritual mentoring, Guadalajara buffet (yum!), the joy I felt and was able to express today, Madi's fever staying down all day, cool (even chilly!) fall nights damp with fog

God answered Job--how cool is that?  I don't think the conversation went the Job had hoped, haha!  Instead of vindication, God humbled Job and Job repented of falsely accusing God of cursing him and forsaking him.  Really, who are we to demand an explanation or accounting of God?  We are told that is what He expects of us.  Yet, God so beautifully reminded Job of His power and Job immediately recognized his folly and begged forgiveness.  And the Lord didn't simply restore him what had been taken, but he DOUBLED it!  How amazing and merciful is our God?!

I think we forget how much God loves us and how much He does for us.  If we would just take time to consider His creation, really meditate on it, I feel we would be able to keep a proper perspective on events and circumstances in our lives.

Abba Father, my human brain cannot fathom Your greatness!  When I consider all You have made, from the tiniest flower tot he vastness of space, i find that my mere words are not enough to praise You; they lack substance and meaning enough to express the praise Your deserve.  Search my heart, help me to learn from You how I might act on my love for You and show You what I feel!

No Argument Here...

Today I am thankful for:  yummy breakfast!, fresh chives from my planter, Heather being happy with the family pics I took for her, Chick-fil-A, Toys R Us, fresh laundry, our washing machine!, hugs from my honey, being able to watch the kids play after dinner

I love reading Elihu's words to Job.  He gives some good insight and advice cloaked in beautiful language.  Above all, who are we to question God's motives and justice when we are feeling oppressed?  God doesn't need us for anything; He desires that we reside in fellowship with Him and He expects certain behaviors.  Yet our sinfulness or our very righteousness have no bearing on His on existence.  He has ALWAYS been!  Whether or not we find ourselves suffering due to our sin or suffering "unjustly" is a moot point--it simply doesn't matter!  God knows our suffering and pain.  We should simply seek to conduct ourselves according to His will, repenting of sin when we sin and asking God for strength to live passionately for Him through our pain.  All human suffering is a result of sin, either directly through our own poor choices or indirectly through the choices of others.  God KNOWS ALL and will mete out justice in His perfect time.  Holy is the Lord!

Attitude Adjustment

Today I am thankful for:  naps, getting the kitchen clean, Darrin's helpful spirit, Madi's sweet hugs & kisses, having Josh home all day, Thai food (Seven Seas!), the freedom to PRAY and praise God!, music

Today has been a little rough.  My insomnia is particularly bad right now, and I've begun having anxiety along with it.  :o( I lose my temper easily when I'm work out!  (Who doesn't, right?) Madi pushed and pushed tonight until I had no choice but to spank her (it's a last resort consequence)--this diva attitude and not wanting to help pick up toys HAS to END!  By then I was in a snit and mad at the world.  On the bright side, my anger fueled me into a minor cleaning frenzy.  I'm glad I was able to turn a negative into a positive.  And praise God for new days!  Tomorrow I get a do-over!

I sat down to read Job, not entirely wanting to read Job in my mood, lol.  But knowing I'd be blessed by it, I continued on.  Job 26 & 28 were just what I needed!  I let my problems become so big in my head.  Being reminded of God's majesty and power helped to give me some perspective.  HE is so mighty!  HE is so wise!  HE is in CONTROL!  I am able to let go of my anger and worry because my God loves me.  My problems are so small compared to the awesomeness of God!  His perfection is brighter and covers my imperfection.  Thank You, Lord Jesus, for the peace You give me when I simply ask!

Love Your Enemy

Today I am thankful for: a quiet day at home, my son telling me he loves me for 10,000 years because that's more than forever <3, my daughter's loud bedtime prayers, yummy In-N-Out for dinner, warm showers, a clean kitchen, fall decorations around the house, Josh's new cologne

I know I'll never understand the ways of God; praise Him in His sovereignty, though!  I just finished reading Esther.  I'ts amazing how God used this beautiful orphan girl and raised her up to be queen and save the Jews from slaughter.  What a victory for God's people!  But I can't help but wonder about the vengeance taken on their enemies--the Jews, in turn, killed over 75 thousand men!  I wrestle with whether or not this was the "right" thing to do.  Is it what God intended?  I know that enmity between the Persians and Jews was strong, and there would've been no thought to annihilating the Jews in like manner; the king had previously decreed that it be so.  It just makes me wonder at the love of God.  None of this was new to Him!  I wonder just how much it hurts Him to lose one person, even a "bad" person, to hell.  I know just how much He loves me--and I'm a sinner like every other human He's created!  Does God's love for His followers overshadow the love and loss of nonbelievers?  God is HOLY and sin CANNOT go unpunished.  I won't presume to try and "think" for God--who am I to try and understand Him?  But I pray that the Lord breaks my heart for the things that break His so that I might better serve Him and share His love with others! 

The Temple

Today I am thankful for:  my son's helpful heart, air conditioning, a fairly quiet dinner at Chick-fil-A, popcorn (& kiddos to share it with!), indoor plumbing, our Leading Little Ones to God book, prayer!

HOW/WHO:  Not sure I really succeeded at this one today.  Still looking for lightening bolts?  We got a magazine and snack to add to a care package for Mr. P. at taekwondo.  Bought it yesterday...does that count?

Read through Ezra today and had the thought that it all keeps coming back to the temple.  Even after the people were in the Promised Land, God wouldn't allow the temple to be built until the reign of Solomon.  This poor temple was defiled and restored a number of times, then after the Israelites were taken out of captivity in Babylon, King Cyrus sent them back to Jerusalem to rebuild again.  The process was thwarted for a while until the decree of King Darius.  All of this had me thinking ahead to the New Testament when Jesus talks about the temple being destroyed and rebuilt in 3 days.  While the structure was ultimately destroyed, we now know that Jesus was referring to Himself.  So, yes, it all comes back to the temple!

I even think about the state of Jerusalem today--Muslims occupying the City of David and it seems there's no way a new temple will be erected, yet we know from Revelation that a new structure will eventually stand.  Have we learned nothing?  The temple was to be the very dwellingplace of God among His people.  Of course there would be opposition to that!  Hello, spiritual warfare!  But once Jesus came and gave His body to be broken for US, then when He was resurrected on the 3rd day...wow!  THERE'S your temple!  Jesus is alive, and God's Holy Spirit dwells in US if we just believe!  And, you know, people are still trying to tear the temple down!  We defile ourselves with worldly nonsense, junk food, laziness, SIN of all kinds.  We are selfish, unkind, greedy, hateful people.  Who am I that our God should want to dwell in ME?  And yet, He does.  He is always waiting to welcome me back and receive my repentance.  And He does so with mercy and grace!  Just like the temple of old, my Lord is waiting to restore ME to beauty, to "code" according to HIS design. Who am I to stand in the way of that?  I wish I wasn't so lazy!

Oh Lord, please help me!  Give me the strength to do some spiritual gardening.  I need to remove these weeds of sin from my heart!  Please help restore this body to something that is worthy of You.  Give me rest and good health so that I might better serve You and my family.  Like Ezra, I want to seek You always and teach my family to walk in Your ways.  Help me, Father, to be a reflection of You!  Praise You, Lord, for Your faithfulness!  And as Your children often sang at the temple: Praise You for You are Good!   Your mercy endures forever!