Today I am thankful for: rain!, going to church as a family, no sickies, teaching 2nd grade Sunday school, hearing David Kim speak, my nap!, my children's laughter as Daddy chases them around, my son asking to watch Star Wars (Daddy was so happy!), snuggling my sleepy babies at bedtime and hearing their prayers, garlic knots from Porky's, the amazingly fresh scent outside tonight in the rain and cool air, cuddling with my honey.
So I haven't blogged in a couple of days. As a family we were so busy doing things around the house that I just was so worn out at night and didn't blog. Even tonight I'm not really adding anything from my reading, but I am adding something from my heart. I'm a perfectionist and I really am learning to let go of that--it's a goal I can never reach as perfection only exists in the One who created it. By nature, I have a hard time doing anything if I know I can't do it just so...adds a whole lot of unneeded stress in my life! Thank You, Lord, for showing me that truth! When I set out to take up the challenge of being in the Word daily and journaling, it was the kickstart I needed at the time; it have me a goal to do more and be more in my faith. I had been finding excuses not to read or justifying why I didn't get around to it. The transformation within me was amazing! I began to grow in leaps and bounds in my own knowledge and understanding as the Holy Spirit guided me and drew me closer to my God. It became a slight obsession (in the best way) to have my quiet time with my Bible and my journal each day. The words just spoke to me in new ways and spilled over into my daily living, and the thoughts simply bombarded me and encouraged me as I wrote. It was a beautiful thing.
Over time, I found that I wasn't having to try so hard and be so formal about my quiet time; it had simply morphed into part of my day. It became part of who I am and I found I couldn't get through the day without it. That's the point, right? And as much as I meditate on the scriptures I read throughout the day and spend time in prayer, the journaling became a bit more forced. Writer's block, anyone? And that really bugged me because it was just my conversation with God, not something I was writing for anyone else. And then it happened--I forgot to read and journal one day!! Any surprise that it was Christmas Eve when that happened? My first thought Christmas morning was, oh my goodness! I forgot! And you know what? I got over it!
I don't think it was simply my "mistake" that I skipped a day of reading and writing. I think God used it to show me my time with Him is to be relational, not obligatory. I had been counting the number of consecutive days of reading my Bible and journaling as a way of cheering myself on in my growth; I didn't realize it could take away from my true focus being on Him alone. I think I had made it about me, in some way! So instead of giving up I just resumed my reading and journaling and realized it was no big deal. God still loved me!
As I continued reading daily (my most important part of quiet time along with prayer) I found my blogging (moved on from my written journal) to be a strain at times. I love to write, and once I surrender to an idea or thought it's hard to stop--and now that I'm typing I'm writing more and more, of course. But catching hold of that idea or thought was becoming elusive. I want to be completely open to the Spirit's leading and guidance and I feel that my words should really be a time of reflection for me, not contrived for an audience; if they impact and bless someone else, great! But that shouldn't be my goal. So I consciously skipped a couple of days to revel in time with the Lord without being on-guard for what to write about. I also feel like He may be changing my approach to writing. Since I'm no longer journaling, it may not always be my thoughts about the scriptures that I consider, but I think I'm to be sharing a bit more of myself and how God is working on me and using me. I don't know. Still praying about it!
This has been an awesome lesson for me. I don't want my time with God to be obligatory so that I can tally more days on my personal chart--go me! I want it to be about how He is going to speak to me and teach me and HUMBLE me with His presence. I want to grow and change continually in a way that is sweet and personal and makes me more like Jesus. Father God, thank You for challenging me and helping me to grow! I pray for simplicity in my actions and words so that I do not cloud my own experience before You. Help me to let go of myself so that I can have more of You. I am so grateful for the ways I've already changed and for the encouragement You bring me every day. Help me to continue to seek YOU--not a routine, not an award, not some self-righteous dance--You alone! Your presence, Your spirit, Your comfort and healing. I am Yours! Teach me how to draw near to You and further from my own pride. I praise You for the way You made me, my own intricacies and hang-ups, my faults, my strengths. Your formula for me was perfect, even though I am not! Help me to embrace the joy of my own creation by celebrating You and Your perfection, for in Your perfection my weaknesses are made strong. I can do anything as long as I obey You and walk in Your ways! Help me to see the path You've set before me and to strive to fulfill the roles You've called me to. I love You and praise You! In Jesus' name, Amen!
So I haven't blogged in a couple of days. As a family we were so busy doing things around the house that I just was so worn out at night and didn't blog. Even tonight I'm not really adding anything from my reading, but I am adding something from my heart. I'm a perfectionist and I really am learning to let go of that--it's a goal I can never reach as perfection only exists in the One who created it. By nature, I have a hard time doing anything if I know I can't do it just so...adds a whole lot of unneeded stress in my life! Thank You, Lord, for showing me that truth! When I set out to take up the challenge of being in the Word daily and journaling, it was the kickstart I needed at the time; it have me a goal to do more and be more in my faith. I had been finding excuses not to read or justifying why I didn't get around to it. The transformation within me was amazing! I began to grow in leaps and bounds in my own knowledge and understanding as the Holy Spirit guided me and drew me closer to my God. It became a slight obsession (in the best way) to have my quiet time with my Bible and my journal each day. The words just spoke to me in new ways and spilled over into my daily living, and the thoughts simply bombarded me and encouraged me as I wrote. It was a beautiful thing.
Over time, I found that I wasn't having to try so hard and be so formal about my quiet time; it had simply morphed into part of my day. It became part of who I am and I found I couldn't get through the day without it. That's the point, right? And as much as I meditate on the scriptures I read throughout the day and spend time in prayer, the journaling became a bit more forced. Writer's block, anyone? And that really bugged me because it was just my conversation with God, not something I was writing for anyone else. And then it happened--I forgot to read and journal one day!! Any surprise that it was Christmas Eve when that happened? My first thought Christmas morning was, oh my goodness! I forgot! And you know what? I got over it!
I don't think it was simply my "mistake" that I skipped a day of reading and writing. I think God used it to show me my time with Him is to be relational, not obligatory. I had been counting the number of consecutive days of reading my Bible and journaling as a way of cheering myself on in my growth; I didn't realize it could take away from my true focus being on Him alone. I think I had made it about me, in some way! So instead of giving up I just resumed my reading and journaling and realized it was no big deal. God still loved me!
As I continued reading daily (my most important part of quiet time along with prayer) I found my blogging (moved on from my written journal) to be a strain at times. I love to write, and once I surrender to an idea or thought it's hard to stop--and now that I'm typing I'm writing more and more, of course. But catching hold of that idea or thought was becoming elusive. I want to be completely open to the Spirit's leading and guidance and I feel that my words should really be a time of reflection for me, not contrived for an audience; if they impact and bless someone else, great! But that shouldn't be my goal. So I consciously skipped a couple of days to revel in time with the Lord without being on-guard for what to write about. I also feel like He may be changing my approach to writing. Since I'm no longer journaling, it may not always be my thoughts about the scriptures that I consider, but I think I'm to be sharing a bit more of myself and how God is working on me and using me. I don't know. Still praying about it!
This has been an awesome lesson for me. I don't want my time with God to be obligatory so that I can tally more days on my personal chart--go me! I want it to be about how He is going to speak to me and teach me and HUMBLE me with His presence. I want to grow and change continually in a way that is sweet and personal and makes me more like Jesus. Father God, thank You for challenging me and helping me to grow! I pray for simplicity in my actions and words so that I do not cloud my own experience before You. Help me to let go of myself so that I can have more of You. I am so grateful for the ways I've already changed and for the encouragement You bring me every day. Help me to continue to seek YOU--not a routine, not an award, not some self-righteous dance--You alone! Your presence, Your spirit, Your comfort and healing. I am Yours! Teach me how to draw near to You and further from my own pride. I praise You for the way You made me, my own intricacies and hang-ups, my faults, my strengths. Your formula for me was perfect, even though I am not! Help me to embrace the joy of my own creation by celebrating You and Your perfection, for in Your perfection my weaknesses are made strong. I can do anything as long as I obey You and walk in Your ways! Help me to see the path You've set before me and to strive to fulfill the roles You've called me to. I love You and praise You! In Jesus' name, Amen!
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