Queen of Humility

Today I am thankful for:  Josh being home all day!, Radiant Moms, meeting Becky at RM and clicking well, the ladies at my table today, a nap with my girl, a lazy afternoon, watching Madi brush her own hair, listening to Darrin name various patterns over and over again, a heart overflowing with joy.

Ezekiel 28:17 "Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor..."  Here Ezekiel is lamenting the fall of the King of Tyre.  God favored the king, and his kingdom was blessed with strength and wealth.  But because of his many blessings, the king began to see himself as a god.  God ultimately proclaimed destruction upon Tyre and its king as an example to surrounding nations that HE in fact is God, not lowly earthly royalty.

I'm no queen, and I don't pretend to be royalty of any earthly sort.  But this one little verse had me thinking.  How often do we lift ourselves up in our own eyes due to some favor shown to us?  It feels good to be complimented and it's great to have that encouragement.  But how often do we allow it to corrupt our thinking or our motives?  How do we prevent it?  When God blesses us abundantly do we take it for granted and see ourselves as better than others?  I sure hope not!  But just that smug way of thinking can creep in so silently.  I notice this about myself, particularly that I make quick, unfounded, and silent judgments against people out in public.  It happens so fast!  I've been very careful to silently rebuke my thoughts and ask God to help me see with His loving eyes and not my own clouded ones.

Sometimes we start out with pure motives, such as helping someone or taking on a project or service, and we aim to glorify God.  Yet a bit down the road we perhaps are encouraged by our good deeds and feel great for what's been accomplished, and before you know it we are glorifying ourselves and seeking for acknowledgment from others regarding our work.  We may even state to a friend that it would be nice to hear a "thank you" or get that bonus, and we may begin to resent the accolades others are given.  So, when did it become about us?  There was probably never a conscious thought given to seeking that glory, that reward, yet it happened just the same.  We get our noses bent out of shape when someone else gets what we want, even when that person is just as deserving, perhaps even moreso.  Is that really the way we should be living?

I believe it all has to do with our focus.  If we focus on ourselves then we can only see what's in front of us; we see what we want to see and not what we don't.  This includes seeing only the good things we do and not the undesirable qualities we may have attained along the way.  But if we shift focus and place it where it needs to be--on Him, alone--our vision suddenly improves!  We can see all around us and see others' needs.  We begin to see with eyes of love and search out where we can be most helpful.  Our reward becomes the smiles, the tears, the private knowledge of having served our God in something bigger than ourselves.  The joy that abounds in our hearts becomes the best acknowledgement--we know what work we did, and our Father in heaven knows, too.  Then, it doesn't matter who says "thank you" or forgets, it doesn't matter if we get a pat on the back or raised up in status to a new role or job.  We can be content in knowing that we served Him--not ourselves.

Father God, help me to lift up my eyes, not my heart.  Help me to honor You in the roles You have placed me; help me to be an extension of Your love to those I work with directly and indirectly.  I pray that I would be humbled to the point of feeling embarrassment if someone speaks well of me and raises my status before me.  I do not want to be wise in my own eyes!  Though I seek approval and encouragement, let it be for accountability's sake to help me represent myself and my faith in a genuine light.  I praise You for all the opportunities You've set before me, and I pray You help me discern Your will so that I might stay on the path You've chosen for me.  Help me to reach others in Your name, and help me to reach them even without knowledge of having done so so that I might not be tempted to be proud. Help me always to be humble!  Thank You for Your faithfulness and the goodness You have shown me!  In Your name, Amen!

Giving More

Today I am thankful for: school time with my kiddos, my nap, Josh being off today, Darrin having fun at tkd, being able to get our library books returned, David getting an interview with the senator, the joy Madi has playing with her animals.

As I read Proverbs 14 tonight I was highlighting bits of wisdom like crazy!  Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands."  Oh, Lord, let me seek Your wisdom and create a loving home where my family wants to be!  I pray our family grows in faith, love, and wisdom and that we build up one another always and show kindness and love to all who enter.  Proverbs 13:31 "He who oppresses the poor reproaches his Maker, but he who honors Him has mercy on the needy."  This idea of caring for others has really been on my heart.  I want to show love to those in need, and I want my family to show love as a whole; I want my children to understand how we've been blessed and choose to share blessing with those who have less.  I've received lots of good ideas about how to foster this, and I want it to become something natural and close to our hearts.  If we care but do not act, we might as well not care at all!  I believe this is why tithing has become so important to me.  I see what my family can do immediately to help others, but trusting our money to Crossroads lets God take our little and do much!

Oh Father, let Josh and I come to an agreement about how to handle the money that belongs to You!  I want to be honest and faithful in our giving.  I know this will be an amazing blessing for others as well as for us.  Show us what is right; give us concrete figures to commit to.  Thank you for your faithfulness to us!

Two of Hearts

Today I am thankful for: dinner with family, meeting Cheli, naps, relaxing all afternoon with the kiddos, hearing Darrin's sweet prayer at dinner, seeing Madi in her horsie jammies, great day at Sunday school, Joel & Karen, my babies' laughter

Reading Song of Solomon...I think Josh and I have a great marriage, but there's definitely room for improvement. :o) I want more of God in my life, personally, and I most certainly want more of Him in our marriage!  I love the certainty of my husband's faith; I am so glad we are equally yoked, that we can pray together and for one another and seek the Lord in all things.  These truths are a comfort to me, but I want more. As I'm beginning to grow deeper in faith and service I want Josh coming right along with me!  I want to grow together spiritually so that we can be an even stronger unit for our children.  As we can be unclothed together physically, I desire the same transparency in all matters--especially our faith, finances, etc.  Intimacy has always been our area of struggle, and I truly desire more passion in our marriage--I want to feel MORE for my husband and hope there's never enough!  The thought I've had in mind for some time is that as we grow together in Christ--in faith and service--these needy areas of our marriage will be addressed.

Lord, please draw Josh and me together in You!  Help us to communicate more and more effectively about our faith, our concerns, and our desires.  Help us to be honest with one another and to be as committed to You as we are to each other--even more so!

Until All Have Heard

Today I am thankful for: beautiful sunshine, a smooth 1st day solo in 2nd grade ministry, praise music on my iPod, another nap!, another great sermon at church, my 1st time carving pumpkins, my kids enjoying church so much, Darrin wanting to snuggle, Madi eating fairly well, cool evening air

Pastor Chuck spoke today about end times.  Everything he shared about events in our world today and backed up with scripture was eye-opening.  I have felt we were beginning to see signs of end times, but couldn't really articulate why.  Now I can!  What really stood out for me was when he shared about a group that feels strongly that they can reach the remaining people groups in the world with the gospel in about 14 years' time.  Wow!  And just thinking about current technology and how far it's come in the past decade, I'm wondering if that projection might change and the number of years be fewer.  All I can truly say is Lord don't tarry!  I feel I'm doing my part--for  now--in raising my children to know and serve God.  But I know that this isn't enough.  I pray for boldness and wisdom to share with friends, for the heart and resources to reach strangers.  This is the hardest thing for me, and I hate that it seems so hard!!  God, please open my eyes to opportunities to share Your love and gospel with others.  Give me the boldness to share and the wisdom to know what to say and how and when.  Help me reach others in your name!

Reaching Out

Today I am thankful for: church, Pastor Chuck B., being able to volunteer in 2nd grade at Crossroads, seeing my precious girl's sweet face as she napped today, playing Candyland with Darrin and Madi, snuggling with my sweet boy (& thrilled he still wants to!), fluffy pillows & fresh sheets, hearing Moo sing worship songs as she sat on the potty :o)

The Lord broke my heart today!  I'm not exactly why, specifically; I think I was just hurting for humankind.  I prayed last night for God to break my heart for the things that break His.  Today in church I was just overwhelmed and overcome during worship and at times while Pastor Chuck spoke.  All I can say is it was awesome.  Not that it was fun but to know God was really working on my hear in some way...wow!  I'm truly excited about the next 2 years at Crossroads.  I've been praying for a revival and I feel like maybe this is the beginning of one.

I'm reading about Job.  He was such a beloved man of God, and he lost everything!  I pray that should God allow me to be in the same position that my faith would only increase--though I fervently pray I don't have to experience what Job did!  Then I think of all the people in need out there in the world--especially innocent children!  Like Job, I'm sure none of them did anything to deserve their current plight.  But so many of them don't have even Job's faith to help give them peace and hope.  I pray that God opens my eyes to a need that I can directly affect.  I want my family to be one that prays and serves together.  I long for my children to be aware of their amazing blessings and humble themselves before God and develop hearts that want to give and help.  I know that passion needs to begin with me and Josh, though I think Josh may be the hardest one to bring around.  I feel there's an area of need, locally, that we can help with.  I trust the Lord to show us where in His time!  I would also like to experience a global outreach once the kids are older.

Father, I feel You working!  I feel like You're telling me it's not time yet for "great" things; first things first.  I pray You help me get my own hear in order first--draw me deeper into a relationship with You where worshiping, reading, Your word, praying, and fasting are like taking a breath.  Strengthen my ministry here at home!  Make me into the wife and mother YOU want me to be!  Let there be no doubt about this being a home that serves the Lord.  Guide me in teaching my children in a way that is obedient to Your calling and pleasing to You.  Father, I feel these are the areas of focus for me right now.  Please show me the path!  I pray for Your light and Your guidance as I do what is necessary to strengthen my home and provide a firm, spiritual foundation for my family.  With that in place, I know we'll be ready to branch out and share Your love with the world!  Thank You for Your many blessings!!  Help us to be obedient and responsible stewards.  Your kingdom come, and Your will be done, Lord!  My heart overflows with love and joy!  I praise You with all that I have and all that I am!  In Jesus' precious name, Amen!

The Call of Duty

Today I am thankful for: my in-loves, Costco samples, my kiddos' clear vision screenings, new iPhones, my awesome hubby (he gave me a flu shot today!), being able to buy new tap shoes for Moo, new pens to write with (& healthy eyes to enjoy the beautiful colors), going back on Wellbutrin (didn't ever think I'd say that, but praying it will be a good thing)

Today I'm reading about Esther.  I cannot imagine being in her place!  It's like a bit of an early Cinderella story, except the scary bits came after she married the king.  I wonder how she must've truly felt being "prepared" and paraded in front of the kind--and then to be chosen as his wife, the queen (!) knowing how easily he had set aside his previous wife for her disobedience.  Add to that harboring the secret of her heritage and needing to then defend her people when even going unbidden before her husband was subject to death.  That's a lot to deal with!  But God knew it ALL before it happened.  I love that Esther turned to prayer and fasting to prepare to do what she dreaded.  My daily choices aren't as grave as Esther's, yet I still find myself struggling to do what's right.

Abba Father, please humble me!  Show me how to make myself wholly Yours!  I pray You'd guide me in beginning to fast as I honor You.  Show me how to focus on You and do it to Your glory alone, not our of obligation.  Help me live "asah shamah" daily!

The Temple

Today I am thankful for:  my son's helpful heart, air conditioning, a fairly quiet dinner at Chick-fil-A, popcorn (& kiddos to share it with!), indoor plumbing, our Leading Little Ones to God book, prayer!

HOW/WHO:  Not sure I really succeeded at this one today.  Still looking for lightening bolts?  We got a magazine and snack to add to a care package for Mr. P. at taekwondo.  Bought it yesterday...does that count?

Read through Ezra today and had the thought that it all keeps coming back to the temple.  Even after the people were in the Promised Land, God wouldn't allow the temple to be built until the reign of Solomon.  This poor temple was defiled and restored a number of times, then after the Israelites were taken out of captivity in Babylon, King Cyrus sent them back to Jerusalem to rebuild again.  The process was thwarted for a while until the decree of King Darius.  All of this had me thinking ahead to the New Testament when Jesus talks about the temple being destroyed and rebuilt in 3 days.  While the structure was ultimately destroyed, we now know that Jesus was referring to Himself.  So, yes, it all comes back to the temple!

I even think about the state of Jerusalem today--Muslims occupying the City of David and it seems there's no way a new temple will be erected, yet we know from Revelation that a new structure will eventually stand.  Have we learned nothing?  The temple was to be the very dwellingplace of God among His people.  Of course there would be opposition to that!  Hello, spiritual warfare!  But once Jesus came and gave His body to be broken for US, then when He was resurrected on the 3rd day...wow!  THERE'S your temple!  Jesus is alive, and God's Holy Spirit dwells in US if we just believe!  And, you know, people are still trying to tear the temple down!  We defile ourselves with worldly nonsense, junk food, laziness, SIN of all kinds.  We are selfish, unkind, greedy, hateful people.  Who am I that our God should want to dwell in ME?  And yet, He does.  He is always waiting to welcome me back and receive my repentance.  And He does so with mercy and grace!  Just like the temple of old, my Lord is waiting to restore ME to beauty, to "code" according to HIS design. Who am I to stand in the way of that?  I wish I wasn't so lazy!

Oh Lord, please help me!  Give me the strength to do some spiritual gardening.  I need to remove these weeds of sin from my heart!  Please help restore this body to something that is worthy of You.  Give me rest and good health so that I might better serve You and my family.  Like Ezra, I want to seek You always and teach my family to walk in Your ways.  Help me, Father, to be a reflection of You!  Praise You, Lord, for Your faithfulness!  And as Your children often sang at the temple: Praise You for You are Good!   Your mercy endures forever!

Asah Shamah

Today I am thankful for: a late church service, reconnecting with the Wills family, open windows and cool night air, reliable transportation, being 1 minute early for church today, my kiddos' distinct scents (I love sniffing them!), my hubby's scent, too (especially with his new cologne) :o)

I'm a coward!  As I've meditated on the 24/7 vision at Crossroads, I realize I'm a coward.  Everyday we are challenged to pray and ask God how He is going to bless us and who we can show love to.  I realize that I've only prayed that prayer 2 or 3 times this past week.  I realize it's because I'm afraid of the part where God shows me who I can show love to.  I'm afraid of approaching someone (hello, I'm an introvert!) and being bold enough to...love?  I REALLY need God to break down that barrier and strengthen me.  What use is a broken heart if I'm too afraid to act?  I've been afraid to pray that prayer because I've been only half-hearted in believing I can DO what He asks.

Today Pastor Chuck's sermon was all about how it's NOT as hard as we thing to obey God.  ASAH SHAMAH!!  If God is calling me to do something, OF COURSE He is going to equip me!  So I'm going to pray in faith tomorrow that God will show me someone specific to love and I WILL listen.  By obeying, I'll understand and also be BLESSED!  Lord, please strengthen me and make me BOLD!  I want to love others in Your name, but I need Your help.  Give me an awareness of someone's need and show me what to do.

A Servant's Heart

Today I am thankful for: being a homeschool mommy, children whose hearts love Jesus, clean laundry, snuggly covers, clean drinking water (& ice!), watching my daughter at dance, having Josh home for dinner tonight, naps (even if I can't take one!)

Thank You, God, for Your faithfulness!  As I read through Your word, Your statutes are so clear; if we obey, You pour out blessing beyond measure.  If we do not seek You, we fail and are marred by wars, loss, and death and disease.  It is so hard to understand why men continually put themselves above You!  Please help me to always be lowly, to have a heart that is genuinely humbled by You.  Help me to seek You, always, to yearn for Your will above all things.  I pray that I become more obedient day by day as I pray and read Your word.  Give me a desire for You that is raging and mighty; a passion above that for my family and self.  Show me how to deny myself and find more of You.  Give me a servant's heart, Lord; one that constantly craves to serve You and others so that YOU might be glorified.  I am but clay, Father; mold me into an image that is pleasing to You.  Thank You for loving me enough to do these things I ask.  I love You, Lord!  In Jesus' mighty name I pray, Amen!