Occupy Contentment

Today I am thankful for: better sleep!, the rough day I had with Moo (it reminded me to draw close to God when things are tough!), Dan & Ellen, having Josh home, seeing my precious babies in their costumes, the freedom and BLESSING of home education, a joyful heart, being alone with my Father at the end of the day!

Psalm 73--wow!  I wasn't expecting this psalm to speak to me, but, boy, did it!  Asaph is declaring God's goodness after admitting his own struggle with seeing how the wicked prosper yet the righteous are oppressed.  It's funny how not much has changed.  Hmmmmm...maybe because SIN is still SIN?  There are times when I struggle a bit with "injustice" in our society, but my eternal perspective comforts me; I know God is sovereign and His justice will prevail.  But what angers me more is the unabashed envy people show today for what others have.  Today there are various "occupy" protests going on--people whining and complaining that they don't have "enough" while others (Wall Street, corporate tycoons) have much more.  It's infuriating because these people are just jealous, it seems, and making wealthier folks out to be evil.  I know not everyone who is wealthy is "good" but I recognize that God blesses whomever He wishes.  I wonder how many of these protesters are true believers--my guess is very few, if any!  A true believer recognizes blessing in ANY form and knows that covetousness is a sin.  I do not abhor those who prosper; those who are righteous set a good example, yet those who are wicked will receive their judgement in the day of the Lord!

Until All Have Heard

Today I am thankful for: beautiful sunshine, a smooth 1st day solo in 2nd grade ministry, praise music on my iPod, another nap!, another great sermon at church, my 1st time carving pumpkins, my kids enjoying church so much, Darrin wanting to snuggle, Madi eating fairly well, cool evening air

Pastor Chuck spoke today about end times.  Everything he shared about events in our world today and backed up with scripture was eye-opening.  I have felt we were beginning to see signs of end times, but couldn't really articulate why.  Now I can!  What really stood out for me was when he shared about a group that feels strongly that they can reach the remaining people groups in the world with the gospel in about 14 years' time.  Wow!  And just thinking about current technology and how far it's come in the past decade, I'm wondering if that projection might change and the number of years be fewer.  All I can truly say is Lord don't tarry!  I feel I'm doing my part--for  now--in raising my children to know and serve God.  But I know that this isn't enough.  I pray for boldness and wisdom to share with friends, for the heart and resources to reach strangers.  This is the hardest thing for me, and I hate that it seems so hard!!  God, please open my eyes to opportunities to share Your love and gospel with others.  Give me the boldness to share and the wisdom to know what to say and how and when.  Help me reach others in your name!

Letting Go

Today I am thankful for: yummy food, cuddling with my kiddos, snuggling with my hubby, beautiful weather, fluffy pillows, ceiling fans, a good (& well-needed!) nap, Darrin & Madi playing so well together, snickerdoodles!

Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him."

These 2 verses touched me today in reading.  Ever since I gave God my worry and self-control (a whole 3 days ago, lol!) I have felt better, lighter.  I notice that my joy seems fuller!  I'm not obsessing over my health, and I have hope that everything will work out--especially according to God's will.  These 2 verses really resonated with me.  The first one, Psalm 62:8 reminds me to trust in HIM--not myself--at ALL times.  And I love how it says to "pour out your heart before Him."  He knows our hearts, but how special that He still wants me to share what's in my heart with Him!  He patiently and lovingly waits to listen and minister to ME!  The second verse I noted, Psalm 62:5, gives me peace.  I will be silent--CONTENT--to wait on the Lord.  My hope and my trust are in Him alone!  From God my Father will I find peace and healing; in His time and in His way.  My expectation is from Him!  I'm going to stop guessing and trying to "put words in His mouth" for myself.  He is wise and great, and He loves me!  That is enough!

Financial Peace

Today I am thankful for: fall weather, reliable transportation, speech therapy for Darrin, Green Mamas, beautiful fresh produce, God's amazing provision!, Madi's good appetite today, freshly bathed kiddos & bedtime snuggles, God's mercy and lovingkindness

I was struck by a number of truths as I read through Psalms tonight.  For probably the first time in our marriage, Josh and I are facing a financial crunch.  He is a bit stressed by it, but I know that with some planning and focus we will not struggle.  God has provided for us and will continue to do so.  But I read Psalm 49 and was encouraged that our confidence lies not in our supposed wealth, but in our Lord!  It's amazing how so many people work to accumulate riches and possessions just to "have" them.  I don't believe it's wrong to "have" things; God blesses us and we should enjoy those blessings in the present and ensure provision for our heirs after we die.  But what's the point in hoarding and living greedily without giving to God and others?  Your wealth cannot do the most important thing--give you salvation!  This life is finite.  While we might desire a comfy journey, it's the life after this one that really matters!!  I am so thankful that I know and have a relationship with my God.  He bestows on me mercy, grace, and blessing and has claimed my heart as His.  He alone saves us from death.  Even though this life will end, my life with my Lord goes on forever!  The most important life policy I can bestow on my kids is to teach them about Jesus and pray they choose His life instead of this life!

Melodious Praise

Today I am thankful for: Kristie, playing at the park, Madi having fun at dance, Donna's good news (baby #2!), the kids trying something new at dinner, library books, loving on my babies, my hubby's thoughtfulness

One way I see the brilliance of God is music.  I love music, music of all kinds.  It never fails to amaze me what truly talented musicians can do with 8 notes and various octaves.  I can hum a tune and make up a silly song, but people with genuine God-given musical talent awe me.  Just think of how many songs are new and debuting all the time!  God wanted us to have music for fun and expression, praise, lament, and communication.  Music can evoke all kinds of emotions!  Reading through the psalms one gets a clear picture of this--songs of praise, mourning, lamentation; songs, seeking courage, help, and forgiveness.  There are songs expressing joy, songs of anger and pain.  And the words are beautiful and poetic.  I love a good tune, but a great lyric truly touches my heart!  The books of the psalms are bursting with lovely words communicating man's need for God.  I would LOVE to hear how these songs sounded when first played.  It's fun to read through and recognize lines of famous praise songs here and there.  How great that God gifted certain individuals to recreate or imagine beautiful rhythms and melodies to set these words to!  Thank You, Lord, for touching my heart through music and song, and for giving me a way to learn about and share Your goodness!

The Help

Today I am thankful for: open windows and crisp breezes, kids earning ALL their tickets!, Chinese food for dinner, a clean kitchen, snuggly blankets, the pumpkin patch, hot tea, Darrin's natural and boundless curiosity, Madi's imagination!

Psalm 32:1-2 "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.  Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit."

David's psalms truly speak to my heart.  There are times when I'm reading and think how great this man of God was, how pleasing he was in thought and action to the Lord.  I think, I could never be like David!  Then I stop and think of the times when David sinned.  So maybe I could never be like him, but he was certainly like me!  No matter how many times he messed up, he kept coming back to God seeking forgiveness and displaying a truly humbled and penitent heart.  Praise God He loves us that much!  He pours out His grace and I'm flooded with His peace.  I'm really trying to be aware of my sin so that I might confess it and repent.  Worry is a tough one, probably the hardest for me.  With a little help from my new book on the matter, and  a LOT of help from God, I want tot work towards genuinely letting go of worry!

Father God, You know how much I struggle with worry and self-control.  I give them both to You now!  Help me put complete trust in You and deny myself so that I might have MORE of You!

The Nature of God

Today I am thankful for: a misty morning, Darrin sleeping in so long (he needed it!), cool nights & warm covers, a yummy dinner, talking to my mom on the phone, Madi making her bed without a fuss, our new CD of hymns, hearing my babies try singing the chorus of "To God Be the Glory" at bathtime

I absolutely love how my kiddos naturally make connections to God through His creation! My #1 goal in homeschooling is to teach Darrin and Madi about God; to nurture a budding relationship with Him.  I truly believe that we should be in an active and continual process of teaching about our Lord.  We try to accomplish this by genuinely being awed by the natural world around us.  I am always commenting on one thing or another and saying something like "isn't God wonderful?" or "how amazing is it that the God that created that star/flower/etc. also made you and me?"  And now my precious children are also doing the same! God created us with a NEED for Him, yet so many doubt or reject His presence and existence.  All of creation is screaming aloud, proclaiming His authorship; how is it that so many do not see or hear?  Psalm 19 so beautifully tells how God's majesty and power are revealed in nature--from beauty, to order, to power, and more.  I get excited reading this psalm.  It reminds me just how small and worthless I am, yet how much He loves me.  This psalm makes me yearn for repentance and to be whole and blameless before my Lord.  Cleanse me from secret faults (Psalm 19:12) and let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14).  Amen!!

Anxious for Nothing

Today I am thankful for: the simplicity of homeschooling (learning in such a natural environment in simple ways!), getting my workout done, a phone call from Kristie (thanks, Lord!), having more energy today, Darrin doing well in tkd today, Madi's little "sucky face" (melts me!), having the windows open all day, fresh chives from the planter

I'm reading through Psalms--such beautiful poetry!  I'm praying that I will find encouragement, wisdom, and reassurance as I read these songs.  Today I was struck by Psalm 4:8 "I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."  I know David wrote this while in battle at some point, but if he could rest easy on the battlefield, then I should be able to rest easy in my own bed!  I'm truly puzzled by my insomnia.  I do not feel as though I'm actively worrying about anything.  I admit I'm obsessing over my current medical state!  But it's wanting to find answers, not "woe is me!" thinking.  I'm praying God opens my eyes to my sin sot hat I can repent.  I have put complete trust in Him for all things.  So why can I not stay asleep?  Why do I toss and turn so fitfully all night?  I've ordered a bible study book by Elizabeth George to help me work through the anxiety I may be harboring and perpetuating.  I do not want to sin in this any longer!

Father God, You know my heart and my troubles.  Help me to truly lay myself before You and receive Your peace!  Sustain me, Lord, through my fatigue and help me find rest in You!

Love Restores

Today I am thankful for: Josh's amazing family!, Andy, Alissa, Riley, Dan & Ellen being back in their house, Aunt Kelley's spiritual mentoring, Guadalajara buffet (yum!), the joy I felt and was able to express today, Madi's fever staying down all day, cool (even chilly!) fall nights damp with fog

God answered Job--how cool is that?  I don't think the conversation went the Job had hoped, haha!  Instead of vindication, God humbled Job and Job repented of falsely accusing God of cursing him and forsaking him.  Really, who are we to demand an explanation or accounting of God?  We are told that is what He expects of us.  Yet, God so beautifully reminded Job of His power and Job immediately recognized his folly and begged forgiveness.  And the Lord didn't simply restore him what had been taken, but he DOUBLED it!  How amazing and merciful is our God?!

I think we forget how much God loves us and how much He does for us.  If we would just take time to consider His creation, really meditate on it, I feel we would be able to keep a proper perspective on events and circumstances in our lives.

Abba Father, my human brain cannot fathom Your greatness!  When I consider all You have made, from the tiniest flower tot he vastness of space, i find that my mere words are not enough to praise You; they lack substance and meaning enough to express the praise Your deserve.  Search my heart, help me to learn from You how I might act on my love for You and show You what I feel!

No Argument Here...

Today I am thankful for:  yummy breakfast!, fresh chives from my planter, Heather being happy with the family pics I took for her, Chick-fil-A, Toys R Us, fresh laundry, our washing machine!, hugs from my honey, being able to watch the kids play after dinner

I love reading Elihu's words to Job.  He gives some good insight and advice cloaked in beautiful language.  Above all, who are we to question God's motives and justice when we are feeling oppressed?  God doesn't need us for anything; He desires that we reside in fellowship with Him and He expects certain behaviors.  Yet our sinfulness or our very righteousness have no bearing on His on existence.  He has ALWAYS been!  Whether or not we find ourselves suffering due to our sin or suffering "unjustly" is a moot point--it simply doesn't matter!  God knows our suffering and pain.  We should simply seek to conduct ourselves according to His will, repenting of sin when we sin and asking God for strength to live passionately for Him through our pain.  All human suffering is a result of sin, either directly through our own poor choices or indirectly through the choices of others.  God KNOWS ALL and will mete out justice in His perfect time.  Holy is the Lord!

Attitude Adjustment

Today I am thankful for:  naps, getting the kitchen clean, Darrin's helpful spirit, Madi's sweet hugs & kisses, having Josh home all day, Thai food (Seven Seas!), the freedom to PRAY and praise God!, music

Today has been a little rough.  My insomnia is particularly bad right now, and I've begun having anxiety along with it.  :o( I lose my temper easily when I'm work out!  (Who doesn't, right?) Madi pushed and pushed tonight until I had no choice but to spank her (it's a last resort consequence)--this diva attitude and not wanting to help pick up toys HAS to END!  By then I was in a snit and mad at the world.  On the bright side, my anger fueled me into a minor cleaning frenzy.  I'm glad I was able to turn a negative into a positive.  And praise God for new days!  Tomorrow I get a do-over!

I sat down to read Job, not entirely wanting to read Job in my mood, lol.  But knowing I'd be blessed by it, I continued on.  Job 26 & 28 were just what I needed!  I let my problems become so big in my head.  Being reminded of God's majesty and power helped to give me some perspective.  HE is so mighty!  HE is so wise!  HE is in CONTROL!  I am able to let go of my anger and worry because my God loves me.  My problems are so small compared to the awesomeness of God!  His perfection is brighter and covers my imperfection.  Thank You, Lord Jesus, for the peace You give me when I simply ask!

Justice

Today I am thankful for:  beautiful weather, my babies snuggling in bed with me, time at the library, my children's love of books, Josh being home for dinner, being able to go out to dinner, God keeping us safe as we drive around (Lord, please be with those in the accident we saw tonight!)

This world is so uncertain!  We often look around and think things are worse than they've ever been--heinous crimes, adultery, theft, disregard for authority, etc.  Indeed I feel things are getting worse, yet in reading Job we learn that, to a certain extent, nothing has really changed.  There are people being truly wicked and "getting away with it" all the time.  Crimes seem to go unpunished.  Many nonbelievers use this as evidence against our God being who we claim He is, or against any God at all.  But what can mere humans truly understand about the ways of our Creator?  Sin is sin!  We try to qualify it, quantify it; but the bible tells us that no sin is greater than another.  All sin is wicked!  Oh, if we could just see sin through God's eyes I'm sure we'd not be able to complain and point fingers any longer!  Our world today is an angry one--full of bile about "injustice" and perceived slights against individuals.  They cry out "where is God?" and "how could He______?"  Well, He IS God, and He IS here and always has been.  Justice may not always come when or how we expect, yet reading the bible I've learned that justice ALWAYS comes.  I'll keep my trust in Him because HE is faithful!

Losing Sleep

Today I am thankful for: cooler weather, seeing hummingbirds at our feeder, my nap!, Darrin being fever-free since morning, talking to my mom this evening, kids cleaning up well, cozy covers at bedtime, Madi's sweet voice (I never tire of it!), getting kids' bathrooms clean, Madi as a fire-breathing purple dragon <3

Poor Job!  The man suffered so much pain (physical and emotional) and loss, and his peers weren't able to offer any encouragement.  I admit it gets a bit grating to read all of his lamentations and prayers, but when I consider the scope of his devastation it puts it all in perspective.  Even though he gets angry with God, he never fails to believe that he would be found "innocent" of his sins.  What a glimpse for us at this thing called spiritual warfare!  I know that I can't (and don't) fault Job for all his complaining.  I realize that I'm crying out to God nearly as much due to my insomnia.  I wonder why I'm suffering from it, why no one seems to be able to help me.  Did I do something wrong?  At this point. all I know is that God is my strength and He alone gets me through my days.  I'm not sure if this is something I'll have to endure perpetually, but I know that there's a reason even if it's like Job's case of spiritual warfare,  If that the case for me then I'm humbled to be deemed worthy of notice--perhaps it means my faith is growing!  Praise God for He is my strength and my shield!  Thank You, Lord, for being my champion, my protector!

Homeschool Joy

Today I am thankful for: Madi eating her meals well!, seeing Darrin in his taekwondo uniform, being able to make dinner for my family, being so sleepy--maybe I'll sleep tonight (?!), Josh being Josh (I love him!), Madi's silly songs at dinner, Darrin learning escape techniques at tkd and what to do if grabbed by a stranger, bible verse songs

I love being a homeschool mommy!  I really need lots of guidance from the Lord to make it work!  I make things a bit to hard for myself sometimes.  Right now I'm struggling most with being "different" from other families.  I feel I have to have an explanation ready when asked about school where Darrin is concerned.  Really, though, who needs one?  I truly feel we are obeying God's call for our family to homeschool.  One of the main reasons for choosing to homeschool was so that we could be different and give our kids time to grow and be kids!!  I'm following the advice of homeschool pioneers and experts so that should be enough to give me confidence, right? Maybe I feel pressure to amp up the workload because I'm comparing myself to friends who are crafty and busy in their approach and nature (compared to mine, anyway).  Lord, could you just give me a little spiritual pat on the back if we are doing what is pleasing to You?  Carol Joy Seid told us that the only legal leg we have to stand on as homeschoolers is religious liberty.  Well, I can honestly say we are taking that to heart!  I try to remind myself of that.  We always do bible, devotions, and prayer...ALWAYS.  And it shows in the words and actions of my kids.  Praise God!  And thank You for those pats on the back!  

Why Me?

Today I am thankful for:  breakfast (God provides!), school time with the kiddos, getting through a workout, getting a bit of time to rest, Darrin doing well in taekwondo (thank You, Lord, for hearing our prayers!), Madi and the funny things she says, sweet children still damp from bathtime and snuggled in jammies, my loving hubby

I wonder if God ever gets tired of all our whining...Job did a lot of whining and complaining, but he certainly had reasons!  His friends weren't the best encouragers, either.  But it's hard to read about such an upright man of God being so depressed. I can't say I'd be any different!  I'ts hard to suffer from anxiety and depression and not understand why.  Job had a lot of reasons to feel so, and his complaint is more of a "why did these things happen to me" while I get frustrated with myself for seemingly having no reason to be depressed or anxious.  It's hard to think of myself as one of "those" people!  And I really struggle with the "why" of it. Is my faith not great enough? Am I being selfish and sinful?  I feel so much joy in the Lord that it's hard to reckon the worry and temper and mood swings.  Oh well!  I'm going to stay firmly rooted in the Lord.  I trust that one day my own medical mysteries will be understood and sorted out--if not on Earth, then in Heaven!  God is my joy and my strength; He is my refuge.  Jesus is my comfort and my hope.  There's no better place to put my trust and faith!

Reaching Out

Today I am thankful for: church, Pastor Chuck B., being able to volunteer in 2nd grade at Crossroads, seeing my precious girl's sweet face as she napped today, playing Candyland with Darrin and Madi, snuggling with my sweet boy (& thrilled he still wants to!), fluffy pillows & fresh sheets, hearing Moo sing worship songs as she sat on the potty :o)

The Lord broke my heart today!  I'm not exactly why, specifically; I think I was just hurting for humankind.  I prayed last night for God to break my heart for the things that break His.  Today in church I was just overwhelmed and overcome during worship and at times while Pastor Chuck spoke.  All I can say is it was awesome.  Not that it was fun but to know God was really working on my hear in some way...wow!  I'm truly excited about the next 2 years at Crossroads.  I've been praying for a revival and I feel like maybe this is the beginning of one.

I'm reading about Job.  He was such a beloved man of God, and he lost everything!  I pray that should God allow me to be in the same position that my faith would only increase--though I fervently pray I don't have to experience what Job did!  Then I think of all the people in need out there in the world--especially innocent children!  Like Job, I'm sure none of them did anything to deserve their current plight.  But so many of them don't have even Job's faith to help give them peace and hope.  I pray that God opens my eyes to a need that I can directly affect.  I want my family to be one that prays and serves together.  I long for my children to be aware of their amazing blessings and humble themselves before God and develop hearts that want to give and help.  I know that passion needs to begin with me and Josh, though I think Josh may be the hardest one to bring around.  I feel there's an area of need, locally, that we can help with.  I trust the Lord to show us where in His time!  I would also like to experience a global outreach once the kids are older.

Father, I feel You working!  I feel like You're telling me it's not time yet for "great" things; first things first.  I pray You help me get my own hear in order first--draw me deeper into a relationship with You where worshiping, reading, Your word, praying, and fasting are like taking a breath.  Strengthen my ministry here at home!  Make me into the wife and mother YOU want me to be!  Let there be no doubt about this being a home that serves the Lord.  Guide me in teaching my children in a way that is obedient to Your calling and pleasing to You.  Father, I feel these are the areas of focus for me right now.  Please show me the path!  I pray for Your light and Your guidance as I do what is necessary to strengthen my home and provide a firm, spiritual foundation for my family.  With that in place, I know we'll be ready to branch out and share Your love with the world!  Thank You for Your many blessings!!  Help us to be obedient and responsible stewards.  Your kingdom come, and Your will be done, Lord!  My heart overflows with love and joy!  I praise You with all that I have and all that I am!  In Jesus' precious name, Amen!

Love Your Enemy

Today I am thankful for: a quiet day at home, my son telling me he loves me for 10,000 years because that's more than forever <3, my daughter's loud bedtime prayers, yummy In-N-Out for dinner, warm showers, a clean kitchen, fall decorations around the house, Josh's new cologne

I know I'll never understand the ways of God; praise Him in His sovereignty, though!  I just finished reading Esther.  I'ts amazing how God used this beautiful orphan girl and raised her up to be queen and save the Jews from slaughter.  What a victory for God's people!  But I can't help but wonder about the vengeance taken on their enemies--the Jews, in turn, killed over 75 thousand men!  I wrestle with whether or not this was the "right" thing to do.  Is it what God intended?  I know that enmity between the Persians and Jews was strong, and there would've been no thought to annihilating the Jews in like manner; the king had previously decreed that it be so.  It just makes me wonder at the love of God.  None of this was new to Him!  I wonder just how much it hurts Him to lose one person, even a "bad" person, to hell.  I know just how much He loves me--and I'm a sinner like every other human He's created!  Does God's love for His followers overshadow the love and loss of nonbelievers?  God is HOLY and sin CANNOT go unpunished.  I won't presume to try and "think" for God--who am I to try and understand Him?  But I pray that the Lord breaks my heart for the things that break His so that I might better serve Him and share His love with others! 

The Call of Duty

Today I am thankful for: my in-loves, Costco samples, my kiddos' clear vision screenings, new iPhones, my awesome hubby (he gave me a flu shot today!), being able to buy new tap shoes for Moo, new pens to write with (& healthy eyes to enjoy the beautiful colors), going back on Wellbutrin (didn't ever think I'd say that, but praying it will be a good thing)

Today I'm reading about Esther.  I cannot imagine being in her place!  It's like a bit of an early Cinderella story, except the scary bits came after she married the king.  I wonder how she must've truly felt being "prepared" and paraded in front of the kind--and then to be chosen as his wife, the queen (!) knowing how easily he had set aside his previous wife for her disobedience.  Add to that harboring the secret of her heritage and needing to then defend her people when even going unbidden before her husband was subject to death.  That's a lot to deal with!  But God knew it ALL before it happened.  I love that Esther turned to prayer and fasting to prepare to do what she dreaded.  My daily choices aren't as grave as Esther's, yet I still find myself struggling to do what's right.

Abba Father, please humble me!  Show me how to make myself wholly Yours!  I pray You'd guide me in beginning to fast as I honor You.  Show me how to focus on You and do it to Your glory alone, not our of obligation.  Help me live "asah shamah" daily!

Coming Back

Today I am thankful for:  fans!, cold water to drink (with ice!), my kids being cooperative and helpful, a letter from Oda (his teacher, anyway), a card to help us pray daily for Oda and other sponsored children, fall smells, my children eating their veggies, flameless candles, seeing Madi in her ballet leotard and tights, hearing my loves giggle and recite lines while watching "The Little Rascals"

Father, I feel distant today.  I've delighted in Your word and had a pretty good day, but I feel like something is missing.  Is it just that I'm tired?  Or is it something else?  I pray that tomorrow I begin the day seeking You!  I pray that You reveal to me the source of this feeling; help me to grab the roots and yank it away!  Help me to confess my sin to You so that absolutely nothing stands between us.  In Nehemiah the priests offer up a prayer that illustrates the people's history of sin; again and again they turned from You!  But what is so remarkable and beautiful is that it's noted how over and over again You welcome them back; You do not forsake them in their need when they return to You.  They praise You repeatedly for Your mercies!  So Lord, I return to You!  From whatever momentary lapse I've indulged in, I return to You.  Flood me with Your Spirit and make me whole--I want to be close to You!  Even now I can feel Your presence. Thank You, Lord!  I love You and praise You!

Keeping it Real

Today I am thankful for: ice!, our family bible (Children's Story Bible), my children's sweet prayers, songs of praise I can share with Darrin & Madi, our new hummingbird feeder, precious smiles and hugs from my babies!

In reading Nehemiah, I am struck by the steadfastness and honesty Nehemiah displays in the face of corruption and lies.  I love how he obeyed the Lord in guiding the Israelites to rebuild the city walls in Jerusalem and never failed his task.  He could've become proud and set himself above others, but he didn't.  He sought God constantly--prayed and fasted--and asked God to strengthen his hands that he might continue his work.  Even with others plotting his death or somehow trying to halt the building, he remained unafraid.  I love how the Holy Spirit helped him to discern truth.  I think that is a prayer that is in my own heart very often.  I want to know that I'm not only following the Lord's will, but that I'm not allowing myself to be deceived.  I also pray that God keeps me humble!  It's so easy to preen when we get a pat on the back for something good that we've done.  But I pray that I never allow that to have me thinking I'm better than someone else!  I pray that my obedience to the Lord gives me a joy that simply keeps me obedient!

The Temple

Today I am thankful for:  my son's helpful heart, air conditioning, a fairly quiet dinner at Chick-fil-A, popcorn (& kiddos to share it with!), indoor plumbing, our Leading Little Ones to God book, prayer!

HOW/WHO:  Not sure I really succeeded at this one today.  Still looking for lightening bolts?  We got a magazine and snack to add to a care package for Mr. P. at taekwondo.  Bought it yesterday...does that count?

Read through Ezra today and had the thought that it all keeps coming back to the temple.  Even after the people were in the Promised Land, God wouldn't allow the temple to be built until the reign of Solomon.  This poor temple was defiled and restored a number of times, then after the Israelites were taken out of captivity in Babylon, King Cyrus sent them back to Jerusalem to rebuild again.  The process was thwarted for a while until the decree of King Darius.  All of this had me thinking ahead to the New Testament when Jesus talks about the temple being destroyed and rebuilt in 3 days.  While the structure was ultimately destroyed, we now know that Jesus was referring to Himself.  So, yes, it all comes back to the temple!

I even think about the state of Jerusalem today--Muslims occupying the City of David and it seems there's no way a new temple will be erected, yet we know from Revelation that a new structure will eventually stand.  Have we learned nothing?  The temple was to be the very dwellingplace of God among His people.  Of course there would be opposition to that!  Hello, spiritual warfare!  But once Jesus came and gave His body to be broken for US, then when He was resurrected on the 3rd day...wow!  THERE'S your temple!  Jesus is alive, and God's Holy Spirit dwells in US if we just believe!  And, you know, people are still trying to tear the temple down!  We defile ourselves with worldly nonsense, junk food, laziness, SIN of all kinds.  We are selfish, unkind, greedy, hateful people.  Who am I that our God should want to dwell in ME?  And yet, He does.  He is always waiting to welcome me back and receive my repentance.  And He does so with mercy and grace!  Just like the temple of old, my Lord is waiting to restore ME to beauty, to "code" according to HIS design. Who am I to stand in the way of that?  I wish I wasn't so lazy!

Oh Lord, please help me!  Give me the strength to do some spiritual gardening.  I need to remove these weeds of sin from my heart!  Please help restore this body to something that is worthy of You.  Give me rest and good health so that I might better serve You and my family.  Like Ezra, I want to seek You always and teach my family to walk in Your ways.  Help me, Father, to be a reflection of You!  Praise You, Lord, for Your faithfulness!  And as Your children often sang at the temple: Praise You for You are Good!   Your mercy endures forever!

Still Small Voice

Today I am thankful for:  my sweet children, new medication (praying I sleep well!), the early-afternoon nap I got, loving friends, good health insurance

HOW/WHO Prayer: God blessed me today by softening my heart towards my kiddos when I very easily could have become so disgruntled.  There has been no complaining or arguing all evening!  I showed love to them by very gladly giving them "best behavior" tickets when Madi, especially, had NOT earned a ticket all day.  God's ways were so subtle today!  But He knew just what I needed.  :o)

I always want to make things so hard.  Boy, am I stubborn!  This morning I truly prayed for the Lord to remove my anxiety and strengthen me to be obedient in showing love to someone.  As I sat and reflected on my day tonight, horror struck when I realized God hadn't pointed out (with lightening bolts) this special individual to love.  I had not obeyed!  Yet immediately peace flowed through me as my eyes were opened to the fact that God had very quietly whispered to me to love on my babies with extra grace and blessing "just because."  I obeyed!  Our evening could have been so different and quite a trial, but He very gently softened my heart and gave us a peaceful time.  I, in turn, loved my kiddos in a special way--MY KIDS!!  He is so graciously easing me into making intentional choices to share His love with others.  This journey is going to be AMAZING!

Asah Shamah

Today I am thankful for: a late church service, reconnecting with the Wills family, open windows and cool night air, reliable transportation, being 1 minute early for church today, my kiddos' distinct scents (I love sniffing them!), my hubby's scent, too (especially with his new cologne) :o)

I'm a coward!  As I've meditated on the 24/7 vision at Crossroads, I realize I'm a coward.  Everyday we are challenged to pray and ask God how He is going to bless us and who we can show love to.  I realize that I've only prayed that prayer 2 or 3 times this past week.  I realize it's because I'm afraid of the part where God shows me who I can show love to.  I'm afraid of approaching someone (hello, I'm an introvert!) and being bold enough to...love?  I REALLY need God to break down that barrier and strengthen me.  What use is a broken heart if I'm too afraid to act?  I've been afraid to pray that prayer because I've been only half-hearted in believing I can DO what He asks.

Today Pastor Chuck's sermon was all about how it's NOT as hard as we thing to obey God.  ASAH SHAMAH!!  If God is calling me to do something, OF COURSE He is going to equip me!  So I'm going to pray in faith tomorrow that God will show me someone specific to love and I WILL listen.  By obeying, I'll understand and also be BLESSED!  Lord, please strengthen me and make me BOLD!  I want to love others in Your name, but I need Your help.  Give me an awareness of someone's need and show me what to do.

Just the Same

Today I am thankful for:  Crossroads, my haircut (feels better & no gray!), quiet mornings, my sweet children, my bible, Rachel

Josh and I officially became members at Crossroads tonight!  It feels so good to really and truly belong, especially to a church that is so passionately committed to Christ and reaching others in His name.  I look forward to serving!

Ok, so the Israelites make me want to bash my head against something hard!  Over and over again, God shows how faithful and just He is, but they just don't learn!  Joash breaks my heart--he served God so faithfully while he had Jehoiada to guide him.  God blessed his kingdom, them Joash totally blew it!  After Jehoiada's death, he so quickly forsook God, stoned Jehoiada's son for speaking truth, and God quickly turned away from him.  That is so sad! But I know that I'm no different.  When I'm not reading my bible and praying, it's so easy to fall into sinful habits.  I have to remember that my sins are no better than those of Joash in God's sight.  So when reading about the Israelites makes me so indignant, I need to remember that I'm no different!  Instead, let me praise God that His Son's blood covers my sins, and that His mercies are new every morning--and that He ALWAYS takes me back, too, and pours out His blessings!

Leadership

Today I am thankful for: yummy food to eat, good friends, my son's imagination, my daughter's tiny voice (* the lack of "r" sounds), cool night air and smells from wood smoke, my camera and love for photography, babies

With the coming 2012 presidential election, I pray for a candidate that can truly bring reform and stability to our country.  I'm praying for someone who fears the Lord and can govern this divided nation in increasingly volatile times without taking his/her eyes off Him.  We are beginning to see some persecution here in the U.S.--a land of religious freedom so long as you aren't an evangelical Christian.  And the term "Christian" has become a dirty word with non-believers and believers alike!  But I really feel that before things truly get worse there is going to be a revival.  We are really (I feel, anyway) seeing the emergence and growth of the "lukewarm" church--and oh how easy it will be to become part of it!  As church leaders and younger generations tout a "loving" God and tolerance and "love" for everyone, the other equally important facets of our God are wiped away.  We are being led to forget His HOLINESS, His great power; we are forgetting that with His great love comes rebuke and chastisement.  How could a loving God send people to hell?  Well, my question is how can a HOLY and loving God NOT??  His statutes are SO clear and yet many refuse to see.  Our great country is rapidly unraveling as these half-truths and outright lies are spread as gospel!  I'm not looking for a leader to preach from the pulpit every Sunday, but I'm praying for someone to genuinely champion the causes of Truth and bring a time of understanding--awareness for the sanctity of life and rights for unborn babies, support for the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman, freedom for God-fearing Christian leaders to teach biblical truths without rebuke from non-believers, and for true followers of Christ to make sovereign choices about family, work, etc. without fear of backlash from a "tolerant" society.  I'm praying for a leader that seeks the Lord in ALL things and does not let ego overwhelm God.  I'm praying that eyes might be opened and hearts touched so that all Americans might see God's goodness and recognize His blessings.  The more we shut Him out, the less and less we resemble the country begun over 200 years ago.  Can't we SEE that?

I was just reading in 2 Chronicles 19-20 about the reign of Jehosaphat.  What an awesome man of God!  He made some mistakes, but his heart sought God and he had reverence for God's holiness.  He urged his leaders and people to turn their hearts to God in all things, and he led them in PRAISE when times were good and when things looked bleak.  May God guide us in choosing a modern-day Jehosaphat to lead our country for the near-future!  I pray for hearts to turn to Him in droves, an amazing revival of Americans returning to God in a genuine and passionate way.

Father God, open our eyes to the one You'd have serve as commander-in-chief; one to carry out Your will!  May Your name be glorified! 

A Servant's Heart

Today I am thankful for: being a homeschool mommy, children whose hearts love Jesus, clean laundry, snuggly covers, clean drinking water (& ice!), watching my daughter at dance, having Josh home for dinner tonight, naps (even if I can't take one!)

Thank You, God, for Your faithfulness!  As I read through Your word, Your statutes are so clear; if we obey, You pour out blessing beyond measure.  If we do not seek You, we fail and are marred by wars, loss, and death and disease.  It is so hard to understand why men continually put themselves above You!  Please help me to always be lowly, to have a heart that is genuinely humbled by You.  Help me to seek You, always, to yearn for Your will above all things.  I pray that I become more obedient day by day as I pray and read Your word.  Give me a desire for You that is raging and mighty; a passion above that for my family and self.  Show me how to deny myself and find more of You.  Give me a servant's heart, Lord; one that constantly craves to serve You and others so that YOU might be glorified.  I am but clay, Father; mold me into an image that is pleasing to You.  Thank You for loving me enough to do these things I ask.  I love You, Lord!  In Jesus' mighty name I pray, Amen!

Blessings

Today I am thankful for: more rain, cozy jackets, comfort food (& the choices I have!), a beautiful home, children's laughter & excitement over the garbage trucks, my love of reading (& my reading ability), access to books, Josh's work

As I'm reading about Solomon and his wisdom and riches, it strikes me just how blessed I am.  I know that God has blessed our family--and I pray that I never take these blessings for granted!  Yet today the simplicity of His greatness gives me pause.  Solomon wanted for nothing.  He had gold in such abundance that even silver was counted as nothing.  I definitely do not have monetary wealth as Solomon; we are a lot better off that many, but not "rich" by any means.  But as I was listing the things I'm thankful for, I found I didn't want to stop; I realized with all honesty that my list of blessings could go on and on.  God has blessed me with family--my kids beget blessing after blessing continually!  Laughter, hugs, silly faces, tender moments...  More than that, even, I am awed by God's creation--the sound of rain, the renewed color we'll see as the sun peeks out, the absolute privilege of every breath I take, the myriad of textures my fingers are able to discern.  Every single second is pregnant with His love for us.  Oh if only we had the senses (and SENSE) to absorb it all!  HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!

Stepping Up & Out

Today I am thankful for: RAIN!, cooler weather, puffy clouds, warm coffee, snug covers, my hubby's kisses, snuggles with my babies, quiet time with God

Today while continuing my reading in 2 Chronicles, I paused at verse 2 of chapter 6: "The Lord said he would dwell in a dark cloud.  I have surely built You an exalted house, and a place for You to dwell in forever."  Solomon built the temple according to the design God gave David.  He obeyed, and God dwelt in the temple!  It made me realize that since I asked Jesus into my heart, my body is like that temple.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  God designed ME!  Now it's time to step up and take better care of myself.  I want to be seen inside and out as a child of God, a princess.  Not in a prissy way, really, but as I take care to make sure I'm walking in a way that is pleasing to Him I know that I need to respect His design; I need to take better care of my physical body--watch what I put into it, how I treat it.  I need to be more prayerful about diet and exercise, about what I read and watch.  God lives in me!!  I need to remember that!

Today I also began the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  I am really challenging myself to be a Christ-follower in name and truth.  If I'm truly overflowing with God's love, then shouldn't it be spilling out on those around me?  I really struggle with being an introvert.  Pastor Chuck is challenging us to step outside our comfort zones 2 separate times each year in service to Him.  I'm already thinking that the task won't be too hard as pretty much everything makes me uncomfortable!  But I know that's not what he means.  :o)  Through prayer, God's word, and Crazy Love, I know I'll be challenged to find a new way to bless others in God's name.  My children are a ministry, but I think God is showing me that that is only the beginning.  I've just begun helping in the children's ministry at Crossroads this past month, and I am super-excited!  Things are coming together, yet my passion for Him only grows.  I can hardly wait to see what's next!

Awesome God

Today I am thankful for: beautiful fall weather, time alone with my son, my hubby being home on his day off, yummy food (& my not-so-shabby cooking!), the precious "I love you, too, Mommy!" from Moo at bedtime

I'm in my bible in 2 Chronicles.  Solomon is building the temple. In verse 5 he marvels at the awesomeness of God.  I find, lately, that my eyes are opened to God's awesomeness.  I see it in everything and it gives me pause.  There are moments I wonder if I'm being pious or empty--NAH!  God is simply AMAZING and GREAT!!  Solomon says the heavens cannot contain Him, and I feel that words are simply inadequate to describe His glory.  :o)

24/7

Today I'm thankful for: Crossroads, my in-loves (Dan & Ellen)

Today in church, Pastor Chuck began his 24/7 series.  It was amazing!  The vision he has for where our church is headed over the next 2 years is great indeed.  Less than one day into the challenge to commit to God like never before, I've already encountered Him.  At bedtime Darrin had some tough questions all about death and dying--does it hurt? how do we get to heaven? what happens? etc...  I'm not sure what brought all of this on, but I answered him as honestly as I could.  He was a bit nervous and frightened, doing that little laugh-cry that he does with the little corners of his mouth pulling downward.  As soon as I left his room I fell apart!  I cried gut-wrenching sobs for some time.  I'm still not sure why, though.  I prayed hard--for my children, my dad, comfort for myself--I just put myself honestly before God asking for His help.  It all made me wonder: do I put my kids before God?  Can I be like Abraham, willing to let go of them if God asks?  And how do you know for sure?  I like to think I put God first, but how do I know if I'm being fully obedient to that?

Maybe the whole reason for this is so that I can be more aware of my priorities.  As a homeschooling mom I'm sure it will be easy to live more for my kids, telling myself it's what God wants!  So I'm going to make sure that my time with Him is away from my kids so that distractions are at a minimum.

I want so much MORE of Him I think I'll burst!  I'm excited for the coming 24 months.  I can't wait to see what they bring!